Metacognition

Three Hundred Thirty Five Time

2010-08-20T02:43:00.002+08:00

Work been well this two weeks. Hope it gets much smoother as time goes by.
More good news to come very very soon~

Three Hundred Thirty Four Time

2010-07-31T00:06:00.002+08:00

AL this week. Did nothing much.
Exchange 2 sets of my no 4 uniform. Still need to get new boots, admin tee, singlet.
Meet up with Navin, CF, ZJ on 26/07.
Meet up with CY, JY on 30/07. Meet up with CY, LP on 25/07.
A cancelled K session today.

Starting to realise that there are a few ppl who are unworthy of my time and concern. The girl I was talking about in the previous post is one of them. Not even as a normal friend.

Three Hundred Thirty Three Time

2010-07-05T23:17:00.002+08:00

Been alive these 3 weeks. Survive another night from 26-28 June.

Humans are shallow creatures. I have been observing how ppl especially ladies, treated me during my transformation this past 17 months. How they look, how they speak, their body languages are heaven and earth apart 17 months back and now.
Like yesterday, some girl was asking me out. I remembered more than a year back i was asking her out and she declined. Hah.. Why the contrast?
Superficial!

Three Hundred Thirty Two Time

2010-06-14T23:46:00.002+08:00

Survived my nights on 5-7 June. Weekends are definitely nicer to work. Most of the time there's lesser pt. Still have many more things to learn. How to talk to pt, how to talk to dr, how to ask for assistance when i'm really busy with changes and most importantly, learning how to defend myself against hypocrites.

Was at my auntie house few weeks ago. Was playing around with singing bowls and her various cards about orbs, angels etc.. So i happen to be using the angel cards. The deck of cards is use to ask the angels about directions in life or advices on the things that you want to do. I drew 3 cards, Children, Healer, Get some exercise. First two is quite obvious. Have been working with children since N years ago. Being a nurse or someone in the healing process. Been pondering about the get some exercise. Have i not been exercising enough?

Off these two days. Was out grocery shopping today at Giants. Spend a long time reading the nutrition labels. Everything seems so unhealthy, including those with the "Healthier Choice" logo. Food with cholesterol less than 2mg, polysaturated fat, trans fat, high sodium level. What does it mean by healthier choice then?

Three Hundred Thirty One Time

2010-05-19T23:59:00.002+08:00

This past week havent been the best week. Issues arising from every aspects of my life.

My brain is a wonderful organ. So wonderful that it actually analyse and churn out a "Prospect of this relationship" data by itself. Things like personality, personal problems to future problems etc.. One may say, "Isnt that great, at least you know what may possibly happen in the future." To me its a barrier. A barrier that stops me from taking the next step. We may jolly well just stay as friends, but what about the things that happen during the acute phase?

Why cant it be as simple as Boy like girl, Boy date girl, BGR, great future?

Nobody is perfect but I'm searching for the perfect person.

Three Hundred Thirty Time

2010-05-10T23:00:00.003+08:00

I cant stop you from liking me.
(Can) I can stop myself from liking you ....???

Three Hundred Twenty Nine Time

2010-04-29T23:50:00.002+08:00

Finally finished the foundation program last week. This four weeks will be orientation phase. Yet another four weeks of office hours. Argh~ Go to work = Packed. Go home = Packed. Cant wait for shift to start. More pay.

My world is getting bigger. Or was I too caught up in my own world all this while?

I cant satisfy everyone. At the end of the day, someone's gonna get left out.

What's next?

Three Hundred Twenty Eight Time

2010-04-13T22:42:00.002+08:00

3rd week into work. After 2 weeks of endless revision, lectures and policy talks, we are finally posted to our clinical area for clinical practice. Got into DEM, as I have hoped for.

Today is Day Two of CP. Starting to see how mad and chaotic this place can be.
Imagine a whole hall of injured and sick looking ppl on bed, groaning/moaning. Pain here and there, SOB and many other complications.. A place where life and death is truely a thin line apart. We, are the ppl who stand within the line, trying to stop ppl from stepping into death's room.
Is this heaven on earth, or hell on earth?

我一直都活在一个狭小的世界。这个世界就像一个瓶子。每天的琐事就像一点一滴的水。岁月一天一天的过，水位也跟着涨。时间长了，瓶子里的水也开始满了。水已经到了瓶颈，我的人生也到了瓶颈。我一直在里面打转，一直过着同样的生活，为了同样的事情烦，生活枯燥乏味。
现在眼前有两个选择。
其一，把瓶子里的水倒掉，重新开始。
其二，试找一个较大的瓶子，把一切倒过去，继续灌入新的水。
答案：

Face to face interaction is the best way to communicate. It is the best way to convey a msg across to anyone. A friendly chat, a stern verbal warning etc. Increase face to face interaction do make relationship between ppl stronger, true and more lasting.
Advancement of technology is reducing face to face interaction.

TBC~

Three Hundred Twenty Seven Time

2010-04-12T22:15:00.001+08:00

An extract from FB.

昨天，他拒绝了她。
　　一直以来，她以为他总会在她的身后跟随，不论她什么

时候需要他。因为他说过，他会等她一辈子的。可是，他食言了。
　　她和他是大学时候的同学。她16岁上大学，比他小两岁。在学校里，她总是小妹妹，和很多男生关系都很好。当然，和他特别要好
　　她确实是没有想过男女之情的，可能是因为她还小。直到那一天，他突然面红耳赤地递给她一张电影票，期期艾艾地说，这是一部爱情片。真是老土，老土得可爱。不过她还是直截了当地拒绝他了。她说他不是她喜欢的类型，不会选择他的，但是他没有退却。
　　接下来的时间里，他无时不刻地出现在她身边，关心她，呵护她，什么事情，在她要做之前他已经抢先帮她做了。可是她告诉他，他不是她喜欢的类型，不要再继续下去了。他说，他会一直等下去，直到她同意的那一天。
　　大学毕业后，他们俩都被保送本校的研究生，不在同一个专业。研究生期间的所有实验难题，基本上都是他一手包办了，连她的导师都和他的导师开玩笑：我那个师女婿呢？最近怎么没有看见他了？
　　5年的研究生一下子过去了，她也到了 25岁的年纪。也确实考虑过选择他的。但是终究没有开口。为什么呢……可能还是觉得有些不完美。他总是一副邋里邋遢的样子，头发乱乱的，不修边幅。还有就是太瘦，虽然在南方人中不算太矮，却还不到一百斤，她还是比较喜欢运动型的男孩子。她直接了当地跟他说过她不选择他的原因，一向健谈的他沉默了好久。那时她倒是希望他能够听了这句话离开，但是他接着说：“我是对你最好的，这辈子都是。”
　　博士毕业后，她留校当老师，他选择了出国。当时同学们给他送行，她没有伤感，反而有一种如释重负的感觉。那个在她身边围绕了7年的人终于走了，她不用再喋喋不休地说，“我不喜欢你这个类型，你放弃吧”这样的话了。
　　很快她交了一个男朋友，他比她大6岁，家境很好，在他父亲的公司上班，当了一个财务经理，一个月可以收入过万，房子车子都有了。
　　可是交往深入下去，她就发现了差距。她说的话，他总是嗯嗯嗯的，半懂不懂。她的意思，他总是不能理解。这段感情断断续续维持了一年半，终于还是分手了。这时候，她才记起那个总是微笑地站在她身后，什么事情都不用她操心的他来。
　　从小她都是优等生，考上的也是最好的大学之一。本科时是直博生保送，博士时是优秀博士毕业。所以她觉得身边的人都应该是这样子的，不用她费神地表达，可是她错了。
　　苦闷中她迎来了她的28岁生日。28岁的女人似乎就给人另类的感觉了，虽然照镜子她没有什么自卑和苍老的感觉，但是父母亲和朋友们都开始为她着急了。于是她开始了一轮一轮地相亲。
　　那些相亲的对象，要么有钱而粗俗，要么木讷而迟钝，还有就是唯唯诺诺不知所云。一个一个，都只让她更加想起天边的那个他来。那个睿智、懒散、关切、幽默、善辩的他。
　　在她副教授评审述职会上，突然她发现了他。坐在台下，眼睛还是那么明亮，人也还是那么瘦。头发看起来还是脏脏的，拿着一支笔，坐在前排微笑着看着她。唯一的变化，似乎就是苍老了一点，不再像那个没事就要和人家滔滔不绝争辩的年轻人了。
　　原来他已经被学校作为人才引进回来了，不在她们系，但是是一个学院。她还在报副教授的时候，学校已经答应给他正教授的职位了。所以他有资格享受了一套不大不小的福利房，在这个寸土寸金的城市，已经算是不错了。
　　他装修房子的时候她经常去他家给他参谋，似乎又回到了四年前的日子，他给她端水，削水果，给她回答工作中的种种问题。
　　那一天，他房子装修完了，邀她去吃饭。只有他们两个人，晚上的灯光很美。她知道他要说什么，有点期待，又有点紧张。果然他说，房子有了，缺一个新娘。
　　她装作没有听懂，其实她是希望他继续四年前那样的直白，直截了当地说：这辈子我会让你知道我是对你最好的。但是他没有。他只是喟了一口气，什么也没有说。
　　送她下楼的时候，他竟然握了握她的手，很紧很紧的，握得她有些生疼。幸好他很快就放开了。然后招呼也没有打就走回去了。
　　以后的日子就忽然尴尬起来，他碰见她也只是淡淡的，点个头打个招呼。校车上也不和她坐一起。等车时也不和她说话。她的硕士生答辩时请他来当委员，他也推脱了。
　　终于她看见他和别的女孩子在一起，说说笑笑的，她心里确实酸酸的，莫名其妙的还有些愤怒。她最好的朋友劝她说，他大三开始追她，她就算倒过去追他一回又有什么？都要快三十岁的人了。
　　可是，当她鼓起平生最大的勇气和他说的时候，他居然面不改色地说，“我已经有女朋友了！”
　　她也听说过他交女朋友了，但是怎么可能这么快呢？从她十九岁到现在，这么多年的感情，难道他一下子忘记了吗？他不是说过等她一辈子的吗？
　　昨天晚上她哭了一晚上。这么多年来她从没有这么哭过。难道男人真的这么容易转移感情吗？真的吗？
我之所以把这篇文章放在这是想提醒自己也提醒看过此文章的人：珍惜身边的人，尊重别人的感情。每个人都有自己的另一半，别因为他（她）有缺点而冷落她（他）因为他（她）爱你才让自己的缺点暴露在你面前，因为他（她）想爱是可以承载一切的，别让他（她）等的太久，当心死了，所有的一切也都结束了！珍惜你爱的人。

巫婆说这是一篇魔力日志，看完此日志请在5分钟之内转载到自己空间，一个月内你将和你喜欢的人永远走在一起。
看到不转载，男的成光棍。穷一辈子。。女的寡妇~傻一辈子！
很灵验的哦！

请耐心一点将这个很短的故事看完……

一个朋友说，追她很久的那个男孩今天结婚了。
我说，你想怎么样呢？人家喜欢了你那么久都无动于衷……
她说，去参加了婚礼。新娘很漂亮，新郎也很帅。好像第一次觉得他也蛮有魅力的，怎么当初就没发觉呢？
她说，原本觉得自己从来没有爱上他，
但在新娘新郎交换戒指的那一刻，她的心狠狠疼了一下。
她说，最难过的，不是你爱的人不爱你，而是爱你很多年的那个人，转身离去。

当看见那个说爱你一辈子，等你一辈子的人，给另外一个女孩子的无名指带上戒指的时候，你能听到自己心碎的声音。

今天的主角不是你，不管她是不是灰姑娘，今天的公主都不是你。

他在全封闭训练的时候，为了能给她打电话，他都要走很远很远的路，去公用电话亭。
冬天飘着雪，很冷。
她却还不耐烦的说，干嘛没事总给我打电话？
她不知道他在那边已经冻的不行了。
他只是想听听她的声音。
现在，她想起这些来，脸上还是会洋溢着幸福的微笑。
然后定过神来，看着眼前这对新人……
新郎依旧是他，但是他的甜言蜜语海誓山盟，却再也不是为她所说。

有多少人一辈子承诺爱一个人又付诸行动了呢？
当努力了好多年依然没有结果的时候，谁还会一直等你呢？
终于明白，我们都能勇敢的面对——你爱的人不爱你，
但是，谁都无力面对—— 一个爱你很久很久的人转身离去。
那种骄傲，那种幸福，荡然无存。

请珍惜身边默默爱你的人。
用心呵护和把握每一份真爱。

不要对那些真诚付出的爱意熟视无睹，
不要等突然意识到失去时才后悔莫及。

或许，当他有一天真的离开了，
你会发现，
真正离不开彼此的，
是你，
不是他……

几米说: 当你喜欢我的时候，
我不喜欢你,当你爱上我的时候，我喜欢上你,
当你离开我的时候，我却爱上你,
是你走得太快，还是我跟不上你的脚步,
我们错过了诺亚方舟,错过了泰坦尼克号,
错过了一切的惊险与不惊险,我们还要继续错过……
但是，请允许我说这样自私的话，
多年后，
你若未娶，
我还未嫁，
那，
我们能不能在一起？

Three Hundred Twenty Six Time

2010-03-16T23:48:00.002+08:00

Two in a day~
To two of my friends whom I said 'No' to going out, our timing just wasnt right.

Having doubts about my goal. The problem does not lies in how to achieve it. The question is why do i want to get there. Was it for revenge? Was it for health? Was it for looks?
If i had achieved a significant success, why am i not that satisfied? Why do i not reap mentally?

Barriers. I never like to see others suffer with or because of me. If i cant give, i wont promise. Its gonna be a long wait....

Three Hundred Twenty Five Time

2010-03-12T00:04:00.002+08:00

Thinking positively actually makes you stronger and definitely makes your day better. Yesterday ngor chor practice was great. Was practicing staff form. I could really feel that the staff is becoming an extension of my hand. I could focus more strength on it this time round. Even though the road to mastering it is long and tedious, but i believe putting in more effort to practice does the job.

Throwing challenges to myself and forcing myself to meet the mark. That's what keeps me moving. Self achievement is sweet.

Something's bothering me though. I'm thinking what is my higher purpose in life. It cannot be always nursing sick ppl or teaching ppl. Those are purpose but not too 'umph'. Maybe something more spiritual. Hmmm.. Not enough white hair and loss of muscle mass yet.

Accoding to Maslow's Hierachy of needs, Self Actualization is the final phase in life.

"This forms the basis of the perceived need for self-actualization. This level of need pertains to what a person's full potential is and realizing that potential. Maslow describes this desire as the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming. This is a broad definition of the need for self-actualization, but when applied to individuals the need is specific. For example one individual may have the strong desire to become an ideal parent, in another it may be expressed athletically, and in another it may be expressed in painting, pictures, or inventions . In order to reach a clear understanding of this level of need, one must first not only achieve the previous needs, and physiological, safety, love,esteem, but master these needs."

It's the lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believe in myself.
- Muhammad Ali

When a man has put a limit on what he will do, he has put a limit in what he can do.
- Charles M. Schwab

Three Hundred Twenty Four Time

2010-03-09T00:25:00.002+08:00

Maybe i just need 2 more comparison before deciding.

Another 4.5kg to go before reaching first target! Go go go!

Three Hundred Twenty Three Time

2010-02-19T00:09:00.002+08:00

Went jogging today. Found out that there's an outdoor gym open for the public at Ave 5. Gotta make good use of it, maybe.

Thoughts
Better educated and not so well educated people have completely different job opportunities. I deem myself lucky to have meet people from both side. Young high flyers with Masters degree from prestigious uni, sch dropout teenagers working in "Entertainment" industry.
Would you rather crack your brain or sell your soul for a livelihood?

With the strength of one, how many people can you save?
Instead of saving everyone, why not wait for their call for help?
If they are truly struggling, you will know it.
If they choose to die, so be it.
After all, its their own life. You have your own life too.

Subject Matter Experts (SME)
Individual SME will have in depth knowledge on certain subjects/topics.
Multiple SME makes up the pool required to function normally.
Cross specialization will be implemented to prevent loss of knowledge.
SME will be summoned from the SME pool when needs of their specialization are required.

OS : Should I play in the playground?

Three Hundred Twenty Two　Ｔｉｍｅ

2010-02-10T02:55:00.002+08:00

Most people will not understand;
To have tip the scale at almost 140kg.
To have been prejudiced because of size.
To have been rejected because of looks.
To be limited to shop at 1 miserable place.
To have drop at least 3 sizes.
To have lost 25% of body mass.
Intense Psychological and Physiological changes after losing weight.
From giving up after two hundred metres, to completing more than 12km.
Stare of disgust to look of admiration.

I understand and been through every single one of them.
I am getting back~
This is not arrogance, Its Confidence.
Kenneth Lim, Its Show Time!

Three Hundred Twenty One Time

2010-02-05T00:51:00.003+08:00

过了那么久，终于不再喜欢。
突然觉得四年多来很傻，像一个大笨蛋。
人会变，从前与现状大不相同。

Three Hundred Twenty Time

2010-01-27T00:40:00.002+08:00

Family vs Pte Ltd

A plot from a TV drama serial? No. Its happening right in front of us.

One right and honest definition of business is mutual helpfulness.
William Feather

Many times, i feel very restrictive in my choice of words, actions, decisions, life..

It is very lonely sometimes, trying to play God.

The feeling I had 2 weeks ago is gone. It just went off after a night's rest few days back. I am back to normal now, void for the moment. Strolling along the forest~

He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals.

Just realise i send in my job application to the wrong place. Hisup~

Three Hundred Nineteen Time

2010-01-11T23:29:00.002+08:00

心被动摇。
如何驯服这匹野马？
如何牵动野马出森林？

Perth is a heaven on earth.

Three Hundred Eighteen Time

2010-01-08T18:30:00.002+08:00

若相爱不能相守，又何必相爱.

Three Hundred Seventeen Time

2009-12-20T22:33:00.002+08:00

Time for some year end reflection. Doing it early because i'm leaving for Perth in 2 days time.

Reflection

SJ
Didnt do very well for this year's zone FAC. I strongly believe that we can do so much better. Let's gear up for FAC 2010. Was the safety officer for ANCO 09. Held in Pulau Ubin this year. It was a fun camp without unnecessary stress from the outside world. Got to see more new and interesting officers and snco from other corps. BGI and sch NDP was cancelled due to H1N1 scare (scam?). ATC 09 was my first try at being CCO. Overall, i would rate this camp as smooth and success based on members feedback and personal observation. Definitely there are rooms for improvement pertaining to more detailed matters. Got CCA gold again this year.

Martial art
Ngor Chor Koon definitely have strengthen my body and mind. Got to perform at the church for Feast Day. Learn new weapons like 7 foot pole and tiger fork..

Family
Alls well.

Friends
The Girls - We didnt get to go Taiwan this year. We still managed to get a chalet and enjoyed ourselves.
Kopi gang - Meetups still low. But i think its still alright. Meet too often also nothing to say.
Judo peeps - SO many 21st birdday to attend. Pocket damn big hole. Had a great halloween celebration.
Army - Samantha left for aust for 2 year detachment. Relationship within our mindef medics is good.

Army
ORD lor~ Was sad to leave service. My attachment to the medical centre was strong. 574 days exactly. It was a unique experience serving NS. Only after i ORD, then i realise how carefree life was then. Gotten the rank of Corporal First Class (CFC) as i had worked hard for. :)

Self
Proud to announce to everyone, i have lost 29.5kg in 7 months time. It all started on 23 Feb 09 when i started my diet. Eat lesser, exercise more. Its as simple as this. All it takes is your determination. (Try to find it first. Lols)
So now i weight less than 110kg. With reference from last year's resoulution, i am eligible to find a gf now. Easier said than done..
Going to Perth from 22nd Dec - 08 Jan with CS,JT,JY and CK. The expenses for this trip is KP%$#@$#. But i know it will be worthwhile.

Resolution

SJ
I will move from light to dark. No more 1 man show. Training, development, PD here i come...
Mx team KSJ- Little more effort from everyone makes a big difference to the kids. More communication, less assumption, be humble, be "IN" the family rather than be "with" the family. We have come so far through hardwork, tears, perspiration, dedication. Let's continue marching on, together.

Martial art
Continue learning as much as possible. Next challenge will be Tiger Fork. For culture and health.

Family
Ease the financial burden of my parents.

Friends
We will remain close no matter how life will be.

Self
Set my target weight to be 100kg by end 2010. Its not gonna be easy. But i will try.
I will challenge AHM 2010. SC may have to wait till 2011.

Attachment is just a phase in life. The feeling back then and now is still the same, just that i have learn to smile and see things in a different light. I guess Acceptance is a better choice then Denial. Whatever happens, you will still be that special someone in my life.

Three Hundred Sixteen Time

2009-12-14T00:07:00.001+08:00

Tiring month. Work, camp, outings.

9 days to Australia trip. Looking forward to it to a certain extent.

Three Hundred Fifteen Time

2009-11-05T23:41:00.011+08:00

I cant see any meaning in blog anymore..

Three Hundred Fourteen Time

2009-10-04T22:04:00.002+08:00

040909
Ngor Chor performance during Feast day in St Teresa Church. Its been 3 years since i took part in a martial art performance. Very enjoyable. Great choreography, powerful music and a solid group of us. Video was taken but i am not suppose to upload it on youtube, facebook or anywhere. Maybe i can upload some photos up facebook during the next few day.

Quote from me
Prolong close proximity interactions between two genders can spark off a relationship without true love and real meaning.

Quote from Ong

You don't marry some one you can live with. You marry someone you can't live without.

Three Hundred Thirteen Time

2009-10-02T00:15:00.003+08:00

A fun, enjoyable day at National Museum.

Three Hundred Twelve Time

2009-09-25T14:10:00.003+08:00

Been a busy long weekend.

190909
Dinner with the girls and celebration of LP birdday at New York New York. Followed by arcade session and movie.

200909
Housewarming at ling king.

210909
Surprise 21st birdday celebration for Peh JJ at Aloha Loyang Garden Terrace.

250909
Long time friend's wedding. Need to go prepare.

Three Hundred Eleven Time

2009-09-07T00:22:00.002+08:00

Chanced upon the below when i was checking my mail (2006) few days ago.
I think its a song, but dunno what's the song title. Seems like cantonese.

其实多想亲口讲你知每日身边的际遇
话到嘴边却未能轻松逃避你当时注视
容貌声音浅色的衬衣变做我的心事
我也一一去记住盼望能代替他怎可以
直至此爱上你没有让谁知
仿如文艺故事在暗中开始
时常怀念妄想都写于不寄出信纸
像没名字爱上你但你未曾知
温柔甜蜜幼稚没有真开始
像已平静告终等不到一个暗示
已经不想怎么找法子制造一些表示
害怕这一切传闻以后来为你添烦恼事
如像表演出色的戏子说玩笑多轻易
害怕增加你怀疑最后连共对都不可已
直至此爱上你没有让谁知
仿如文艺故事在暗中开始
时常怀念妄想都写于不寄出信纸
像没名字爱上你但你未曾知
温柔甜蜜幼稚没有真开始
像已平静告终等不到一个暗示
直至此爱上你没有让谁知
仿如文艺故事在暗中开始
时常怀念妄想都写于不寄出信纸
像没名字爱上你但你未曾知
温柔甜蜜幼稚没有真开始
像已平静告终只因相识你太迟

Still seeking the feeling of deja vu that i felt 4 years ago.
Got my corporal first class few days back. I would say its a well deserved one, based on the fact that the things i do in the medical centre is far above the rank expectation. 7 more weeks to seeing the only pink i like.

Three Hundred Ten Time

2009-08-27T01:31:00.003+08:00

26/08/09
A strangely good day today. Peace in the medical centre. Great fun during ngor chor. Happily msging one of my friend.
Strange sense of happiness. Maybe something big is gonna happen soon.. Hmmm..

Three Hundred Nine Time

2009-08-18T22:42:00.002+08:00

18/08/09
Not feeling well since yesterday. Decided to go polyclinic to get a day rest. Symptomatic drugs are really useless. Shouldnt be getting sick. Maybe the bed in the sickbay is too dirty. I think i had slept on that same pillow case half a year back. zzZZzz..

16/08/09
Duty day. As usual, watched tv, do checklist and waitted for time to pass. Doing weekend duty is total waste of time. And it taught me how to laze around without feeling guilty and not doing anything constructive. 'Great!'

15/08/09
Out with girls. Been a few months since i have met up with them. Went to Topone Ktv. Had a superb time singing hokkien songs. :)
Next, dinner at the kopitiam which sells Mongolian spare ribs.
Finally, watch Up 3D at Iluma. I dont remember watching any movie with 3D specs before. So let's take it that its my first time watching movie in 3D. :)

I think my stay in the medical centre have greatly reduced my overall efficiency level. My brain seems to have slowed down and i cant think as well these days, not to even speak of Metacognition.
My brain have gone into 'man' mode. The aura of my fighting spirit is slowly diminishing, but thanks to Ngor Chor, it somehow kept me alive.

Three Hundred Eight Time

2009-08-09T00:45:00.003+08:00

080809
Done my final attachment for BCLS. Finally, i'm a qualified BCLS instructor. I should have been one 5 years ago, but somehow i wasnt interested in being one that time. I guess monetary benefits are much more inportant now.

070809
Have been a bad day in camp. Left camp in anger. Floating chair, flying biscuits, swinging door. The leader is too weak, indecisive, sedentary, in short - USELESS!
How will your men respect and follow your instructions when what you do is just reading forum, drinking coffee, reading newpaper and pushing your 'management level' workload to us?
I am slowly getting sick of doing your job FOR YOU!
You, a father of a girl, a husband to a wife, where is your manhood?
Its depressing sometimes when i see what have become of this centre. No discipline, no respect, no sense of urgency, no skill, no comaraderie.
Can you see what have you done to this centre, or more precisely, what have you done at all?
I am gonna leave this place in 2.5 months time. I cant possibly help you with every little thing out there. I have my limitations.
In this organization, I am only a man, a follower. I am not a leader here. My rank and appointment does not permit me to have the authority to control people. You, who holds the full authority fails to do so.
What Mdm K say is true, what will happen to this centre when I leave?

Three Hundred Seven Time

2009-08-02T17:00:00.004+08:00

海啸

史无前例一場風暴用飓风在预告
将无情侵袭孤岛你已投入他的怀抱
我忽然感觉到只能呼吸一秒
麻木地瞧大家在逃
生命对我已经不重要
发风浪涛撕碎煎熬
能轰轰烈烈心碎也好
海啸我要知道他服了什么药
怎能瞬间将我换掉
连尸骨都让我找不到
海啸你知不知道
我对他多么好
如果爱情不能到老
你也应该给我一秒
一秒去忘掉

Life is getting stagnant.. There are things to be done but I just dont feel like doing anything.
Maybe the sagi should stop for a breather? Or should it proceed with what it have been tasked to do in life? Hmmmm.......

Three Hundred Six Time

2009-07-20T23:13:00.003+08:00

Adrenaline rush is not always welcomed. I am *insert whatever comments*. Hmmmm

Three Hundred Five Time

2009-07-20T00:12:00.004+08:00

Come to think of it, i have been walking alone (literally) for almost 22 years.

Maybe its time to find someone to walk with me.

PS: SAA club chairman may be leaving soon...

Three Hundred Four Time

2009-07-06T23:16:00.002+08:00

Notes for jogging.
5 km in 32 min 26sec.
10 km in 1hr 26min.
Limit break - 8 km.
Never stop for a break - disrupts momentum and cools you down.
Jogging alone for long distance is D.A.M.N. boring.
Maybe listening to some music may kill the boredom.
Drink Vitamin C post run.
Eating abit of carbo 2 hours pre jogging keeps you going.

Three Hundred Three Time

2009-07-03T22:43:00.002+08:00

Notes for the day.
- How to maintain everlasting relationships?
- List of K songs
- How heartless can i get?
- Shaky Will power
- Can i really complete 21km in August 09?
- Facebook addiction
- Reduce outings
- CCA resume day?
- POP? POC?

A questionable day....
Hope tomorrow will be an answerable day....

Three Hundred Two Time

2009-06-27T21:36:00.004+08:00

8 June 09
Visit to Peranakan Museum. Dine @ Empire State. Good day! :)

18-21 June 09
ANCO 09. Safety Officer / Platoon 5 Commander.
Many report sick cases. Many were dehydrated. 2 chronic asthma cases. 2 vomitting. 1 big time LS. 1 Nail avulsion.
In the end, all left camp safe and sound.

22 June 09
10km completed!

25 June 09
Visit to Asian Civilization Museum - Kang Xi special. Dine @ Central, Mr Curry. Sat by the Singapore River. Great day! :)

26 June 09
ANCO outing. K box at Cine K box. Dine at Botak Jones. Double botak. Arcade at PS.

28 June 09
5 km at 34min 26secs. Will be able to complete in 32min next time.

Chairman of SAA club gonna stay for a longer period of time (or at least till 24/08/09) before he quits.

PS: Time to buck up, myself and all. Been slacking for too long.

Three Hundred One Time

2009-06-08T11:18:00.003+08:00

The much anticipated FAC is finally over. The teams have trained hard and performed well for the FAC. Now its time for everyone to relax and get ready for the FAC next year. But before that, POP and ANCO will be coming soon in 2-3 weeks time.

Notes for us
- Acquire knowledge other than what's in the book
- Team work
- High level of commitment
- High level of Self Discipline
- Espirit de corps
- Fighting spirit
- Consistency in training

PS: Let's bring out the best in them.

Three Hundred Time

2009-06-04T00:45:00.002+08:00

Its hard to be nice to everyone. Everybody have their own problems. Relationship, friends, family, money, health etc... Sometimes it becomes overbearing. So if i am not being very nice to you, I may be untying knots or sweeping shit somewhere.

Very Serious Random Thoughts
No personal trainers to be in the committee? So that 'human factors' will not affect the weight loss results, play fair? Or is it that chances of decreasing 0.25kg will not occur again?

Ohhh! So this is how le game is played. Well, I see consistency(less the a/m factor) and transperency(less the walls and door) in le game.

Come on! Your clean strategy is indeed flawless.

*Musical interlude*
We are the champions - my friends
And well keep on fighting - till the end -
We are the champions -
We are the champions
No time for losers
cause we are the champions - of the world (Red dot) -

Geriatrics is the branch of medicine that focuses on health care of the elderly. It aims to promote health and to prevent and treat diseases and disabilities in older adults.

Differences between adult and geriatric medicine
Geriatrics differs from adult medicine in many respects. The body of an elderly person is substantially different physiologically from that of an adult. Old age is the period of manifestation of decline of the various organ systems in the body. (I understand now)

By the way, anyone knows any servicing personnel to fix up Man Kind of stuff from apartment ViVi?

Two Hundred Ninety Nine Time

2009-05-30T23:53:00.002+08:00

Ran 5 km today. Clocked 36min 45sec. I remembered running closed to 50 min months back. That's like 10 min per km. Great improvement there. Should be able to complete below 35min next time round.

Running is addictive, very. ( Now I believe you Choon Kiat)

Two Hundred Ninety Eight Time

2009-05-24T23:51:00.002+08:00

Finally, time to blog.
Been staring at this page for 10min. Really dunno what to write. Hmmm.....
Yesterday, 230509 meet up with Jane, ws, ivy , jeremy for 'Angels and Demons' at CWP. Show was quite good. Jeremy left after the show for some bbq. The rest of us proceeded to have dinner at Lerk Thai at civic. The dinner was ok, and the gossips were great. Haha..

Then we send Jane off to the mrt as she was going for her night shift. We had some photo taking session at the mrt station. zzZZzz.. So now there's only 3 of us left. We were trying to decide what to do. And finally, we decided to go Shebangs (again). Meet up with yz at Central.

This time round, we towered instead of green tea. Played cards, 5,10,15. Then true or dare minus the true option. We did some crazy stuff. Hahaha.. Then we left around 3am. Took NR back home.

240509
Woke up around 8am even though i only slept at 4+am. Drag myself down for a jog that i promised myself. Felt very tired during the start. Think too much beer the previous day isnt good. :) Jogged to gombak stadium following the PCN route. The route at gombak was abit messy, and it somehow broke off 300m before the stipulated end. By this time, my whole shirt was already soaked and sticking to my body.
Walked around the stadium area and started to jog back. The return trip was more tiring as my body had cooled down abit. So i slowly jogged back. Thanks to the sun, i got warmed up quickly and the sore and fatigue went down. The last stretch to the starting point was heartening.

Its good to have ample freedom and myself to myself. Having another person by my side is still an untouched territory. Maybe in 3 months, i would take another stand.

18.8/40

Two Hundred Ninety Seven Time

2009-03-26T23:20:00.002+08:00

Been an enlistee for too long.. Even my brain starts to behave like one. Haiz~
The dental officer that did STO for me is pretty pretty. That made my days. Lols.
Other than that, everything's normal as usual.

What is happening?

Two Hundred Ninety Six Time

2009-03-16T23:13:00.002+08:00

Its been a month since i last blogged.
Good things have happened this past month. But overall, nothing extra special happened. Maybe the argument (verbal/physical) with the useless medic spec was the most exciting. But this kid needs to know his own limit and learn that he's a LOSER inside out. Havent been speaking to that useless shit since that day, but i dont give a damn. Superman and Loser dont mix. Lols.

Working towards my goal. Determination. No matter how battled the body and soul maybe, i will still fight on, For myself.

3 weeks- 6.9 Magnitude

Two Hundred Ninety Five Time

2009-02-15T23:29:00.002+08:00

11 Feb 2009
Took half day leave and sent CK off.

13 Feb 2009
Was drinking at the mess. Had a drink too much. Had to sleep in the medical centre.

14 Feb 2009
Went to sch for training. Played some waterbomb. Saw a badminton guy bleed from the right palm and wrist. It wasnt massive hemorrhage but still the scene can be quite traumatising. I hate idiots like this. Couple paraded with AS. Forced to. :)
Had a V day party at He's house with Ivy, PehJJ, Xinyi and Subi. Ordered Sakae and Pizza hut. Watched 13 Ghost. Then off to Scott's house. Watched some tv. Slept till 8+. Had to wait till subi and xinyi to wake up at 10. zzZZzz.. Stupid couple. Brunch at Choo Jiang.
Took some time to write a note about 25 Random things on FB.
Starting to miss CK and Ong.

Two Hundred Ninety Four Time

2009-02-08T23:55:00.001+08:00

Happy ORD to CPL(NS) G Viknash Shagar, who passed out from medic course with me.

Nothing really big happened recently except Internal FAC yesterday, 070209. Some minor hiccups here and there but still run smoothly. Followed by farewell dinner for CK. Haiz~ Followed by steamboat at He's house.

人有悲歡離合
月有陰晴圓缺
此事古難全
但願人長久
千里共嬋娟

Two Hundred Ninety Three Time

2009-01-29T01:48:00.002+08:00

Its CNY period. A time for family reunion, ang bao, bak kwa, gambling, liquor. Its already 3 out of 4 sins. And we Chinese officially allow it to take place. Irony.
Been house visiting everyday. It started on the day before eve of CNY.
240109 - Dinner at Scott House
250109 - Reunion Lunch at Uncle's coffeeshop, Reunion Dinner at Ah Ma's house
260109 - At Ah Ma house for Bingo and charades.
270109 0030hrs-0430hrs - He's house visit
270109 2300hrs - 280109 0330hrs - Peh's house visit and supper at Han's
280109 1900hrs - 290109 0130hrs - Shifu's hosue visit

Emotional surges these few days from pre CNY. Let's hope its just a passing gust of wind. Hmmm..

Two Hundred Ninety Two Time

2009-01-22T20:25:00.003+08:00

不完美

你常常說我很完美
沒人能取代我給的一切
我就以為我努力更完美
我們就會永遠

完美並不美我們多虛偽
你讓我的好變成一種罪
完美並不美當你愛了誰
我的完美也只是不完美

後來你說我太完美
值得更好的陪在我身邊
你不是我你怎麼能體會
你有多麼珍貴

完美並不美我們多虛偽
你讓我的好變成一種罪
完美並不美當你愛了誰
我的完美也只是不完美

完美並不美我們多虛偽
你讓我的好變成一種罪
完美並不美當你愛了誰
我的完美成了罪

完美並不美我們多虛偽
你讓我的好變成一種罪
完美並不美當你愛了誰
我的完美也只是不完美

Two Hundred Ninety One Time

2008-12-30T00:02:00.003+08:00

Reflect

SJ
Great results for FAC 08. The NA team won the best in HN, beating hscs by 0.25 points. The AC team improved tremedously. They were just 0.5 marks away to share the trophy with the third team. Still never get into NFAC yet. Haiz~ Taught the flag party for sch NDP this year, just so that we can have 4 members in the flag party. Sustained achievement award for FDC. Celebrated the corp's 10th anniversary. Grand event. Many many thanks to the committee for their hardwork. Had the first overseas ATC at Pahang Msia. It was definitely a great experience not only for the cadets, but for the officers too. It will be good if we can go overseas again within this 3 years. Most probably getting CAA Gold this year, 91 or 92 out of 100. Got another new appointment as ACS (Ops).

Judo
Is this category still valid here? Anyway, went back for one training this year. The last one before Jeremy and Scott enlists. The feeling is different. The training ground is different. It no longers feels like a club anymore. Saddening.

Family
Nothing much changes. Just feel that my father looks more fragile now. Life ~

Friends
The Girls- Meetups getting lesser. If i never count wrongly, we meet up 5 times this year.
Judo- Judo peeps. I have been neglecting all of you for 08. :)
Kopi Gang- Well. Our sessions seem so much lesser and quieter nowdays. Is it still functioning well?

Army
Well. Got posted to medic course in dec 07. posted to current location in march. Been ok for the start few months. It seems to start to get horrible the past few months. No motivation at all. I guess partly its because i'm underallowed and overworked, and the ppl in there are mostly bo chap ppl. But at least i have been doing what i am suppose to do. How can a medical institute be managed by a bunch of chaps without medical or even bio background.

Self
Gain weight this past year. Haiz~ I have truely sucked all my digits this past year, or maybe not all but most. Picked up a new martial art. Ngor Chor Koon. Seems to be quite awesome. Just hoping that i can continue to learn as much as possible, as i may not continue after i start work in end 09 or start 10.

Her
Balancing professional and personal left me thinking if i was even right in the first place. Did i draw the line too clearly sometimes? Or did i stepped over the line without even noticing? Or was I just standing at the same spot watching her walk away? Remaining silent all these while was perhap the stupidest thing i have done. "Maybe i should wait for her study to end," is what i always tell myself. Or maybe i was just giving myself excuses to refrain me from facing myself. Or maybe all these while you were just a marker for the type of girl that i like.
For the past week I have set my 21 yr old brain thinking. Maybe its time to smile and forget. Maybe its time to widen my horizon and venture out of this close knit community and explore unknown territory and meet new people from different walks of life of different educational level and age. I guess 坠落天使 would always be left as it is. I hope so.

Resolution

SJ
Time to start archiving stuff i have done for the past years. With every peak comes a trough. People come and go. We have aged significantly bringing along the Huat Ar culture. Blood that have been deoxygenated may cause more harm than benefits in the long run. Fresh blood filled with oxygen will be a great mix with the stagnant one, and who knows it might bring about yet another lasting peak. I am going to share as much knowledge as i know with everyone as 2010 will be a year that i cant promise.
To the new ones- There comes a time in life when one needs to step up to the challenge.

Family
To be fillial to my parents

Friends
Try to meet up more often. But, budget constraint ya! :)

Army
10 months to ORD. 5 year 10months to ROD. I shall continue to do what i am suppose to complete. I shall not get affected by the others too much. Hope i can create a good working culture for the new guys taking over me and hope it eventually spreads. (99% impossible though)

Self
I have decided to challenge myelf from 09 onwards. My mass must reach 110kg before I can get a gf. Hmm, I want to see how determined i can be this time round. Reason for choosing 110. I felt quite ok judo-ing at 120 previously. So it should be a reasonable aim, given that canteen is less than a min walk from my workplace.
As for martial art, i will try to put heart into learning. Focusing can be very tiring.
Looking at 09, it shouldnt be such a bad year compared to 08. But I know near ORD to post ORD period is gonna be bad. Just a premonition.
And this year i am going taiwan with the girls between 10-19 Oct.

OS- Got an organizer to help me remember stuff. So pls use it.

Two Hundred Ninety Time

2008-12-18T23:49:00.003+08:00

Tired tired.
Daily OT due to the increase number of genuine and pseudo report sick cases. zzZZzz... Praying for no emergency case for this batch of chao recruits. *Pray*
Extreme fatigue have become part of everyday life. So much so that even the most motivated thing in life now is often neglected. Have to start to fight this zzZZzzness before i start to lose things that i have or going to have or never to be.

Life is like that...

Two Hundred Eighty Nine Time

2008-12-09T22:58:00.002+08:00

Damn! Havent update for a long time. zZzzZzz..
Events that had and going to happen for the past 1 month and next 1 month.
Nov 15 - KSJ 10th Anniversary
Nov 22 - Zone 10 FDC
Nov 23 - Ong 21st Birthday Celebration Luncheon
Nov 29- 2 Dec KSJ Adventure Cum CIP Camp 08
Dec 1 - Ai Suan Super Mini 20th Birthday Celebration
Dec 6 - My 21st Birthday BBQ
Dec 13 - Zone Presentation Lunch
Dec 20-21 Birthday and Xmas celebration with The Girls
Dec 27 4Q Meeting

A very busy 2 months. Hmmm.....

KSJ 10th Anniversary
A hectic day. Had to go back to sch to carry many many many tables to the hall with ong. Was joined by the rest of the committee at 6pm to do the setting up of the venue. Some original concepts had to be revised after we get to the actual setting up process as most of the idea were based on imagination, for eg signing on cloth etc... We left at around midnight finising most of the setting up. Back home was not sleeping time, had to finish up on the slides, editing here and there, choosing of music etc. Got to sleep around 3am and got up at 6am?.
Actual day was hectic as well. Technical difficulties, popper couldnt pop etc. But the end of the day, it was a great successful event as commended by many guests.
Of course, all these could only be possible with the help of the management committee, great assistance from the teachers and hardwork from the cadets. :)

Zone 10 FDC
Held in MSHS this year. HIHS got the championship this year instead of the hot favourite GESS. Great job by Wei Qiang, his officers and his members. Congrats to HIHS SJAB.

Ong 21st Celebration
Ong held his 21st birthday celebration at his home on 23 Nov. A simple and stomach fulfilling lunch prepared by his mother and his relatives. A small gathering like this definitely is heart warming to everyone, or maybe is it because of the alcohol intoxication. Lols...

Adventure Cum CIP Camp 08
Pahang, West Malaysia. The first overseas trip for the corp. Everything was alien to us. Even the train ride was foreign to everyone. Train ride to msia from tanjong pagar railway station onboard the KTM was an unique experience. Who would have expected the connection between each carriage was so scary. May wouldnt have expected herself to be stuck in the toilet and later got saved by 'He who could not be name'.

The hotel (MOTEL) was ok for a night rest. Xiao qiangs were rampant. I had to double as the pest buster for the girls and even the guys. Magnificent agility of cheung weng to 'fly' when a cockroach appeared near him. Great job guys! :D But strangely, the room that the officers were resting didnt had any water, pest whatever problem.

The next day, travelled to Tekam Resort to have our breakfast before arriving our CIP orphanage. Generally, the program were well planned and executed less the waiting time of the station members. Interaction between the members and the msian counterparts were good. Even though there was a language barrier, some things still can be communicated through hand signs and tone of voice. Many thanks to the sec 3 and 2 for planning and executing the program and making the day of the orphans.

Post CIP was to bunk into to the cave that we are gonna sleep in for the night. At first i thought we were going to sleep in the cave that we will be climbing. After the bunking in and lunch, everyone was set for the caving experience. As this was the first time caving for most of us, the pace was slow and unsteady. There were falls and minor slips here and there. The path were slippery and sometimes muddy and wet. Everyone shoes were wet when we conquered the cave and approaching the second one. The second cave was small. The unforgettable small hole. I am still wondering how did i manage to squeeze into that small hole. I thought that it would have been a funny sight if the cave wasnt dark where everyone can see everyone and me stuck in the hole for awhile with my legs dangling around. Lols..
Cave windy and cave sunding were connected. Took group photo in sunding. Then we headed back to the starting point. Going back wasnt that hard as most were more familiarize with the route. Strangely, the small hole was much easier to get down this time round. I seem to be able to glide out like a newborn baby.
As we exited cave windy, we went to another route which we abit more muddy and where we could gather tree branches for the night's campfire. Yanrong somehow uprooted a tree and caused a commotion. hahaha..
Campfire was good. Every group had good script, even though most were lame like the Homo group. Lols. Everyone tried to enjoy as much as possible but fatigue seem to get the better of everyone.

Day 3 started with breakfast with super sweet kopi-o and tea. From there we set off for Teman Negara. I believe everyone was thinking that trekking wouldnt be so tiring as our trek started with man made planks which made walking less dangerous. After quite awhile of easy climbing, the paths starts to get treacherous, horrible, steep and acid building. The guides were nice to stop and introduce us to some flora like the sandpaper leaf, viagara like plant. :)
The trek up the hill was really *&^&^%^&%$^*^. It wasnt plainly just physical exertion, it was also mentally challenging. The accumulation of fatigue from the previous day caving, building up of lactic acid on the legs, the intense high humidity of the forest, the sight of the never ending upslopes, the thought of giving up were gruelling. Glad that everyone made it to the first and second view. Even pichu also made it, that is a great achievement. :)
The trek down wasnt that easy though. Most of the man made steps were steep, so it actually made the legs exercise more. Next up was canopy walk. I was half expecting the kind of canopy walk that sg have. But the guide later on explain that the walk is made up of purely nets, ladder, planks, ropes. A slight peek before going up the canopy walk send shivers down the spine, literally. The path was shaky, the bridge can be swayed from left to right and i had to always try to find the CG of the plank. The view from on top was okok. It didnt last very long also, about 30min slow walk.
After the canopy walk was lunch. This lunch was special. Deep fried popiah, chicken or fish nuggets and fried chicken. I think its kind of letting us replace energy lost from the trekking. After lunch, everyone was geared up for rapid shooting. Some would think that its just travelling down the river sightseeing with an occassional waves hitting the boat. Once the boat sets off, everyone was in for a surprise. The boatman started to pour scoops of water to the next boat and making water splash with their oar as they go past the other boats. Everyone was truly wet. Everyone had fun, even junwei who had phobia of water. it would have been nicer if everyone had their own fighting equipment. But i guess safety would have been compromised if we had weapons. After about 45 min or so, everyone alighted and walked towards the bus. I guess everybody's fatigue would have been washed away by the cold water and punishing wind.

The moment that everyone had been awaiting for from the start of the day 3. Tekam resort chalet. The interior looks like a chalet. Water heater, cable tv, soft bed, clothes hanger, dressing table. First time in a camp that there is such good facilities for everyone.
Dinner was good, at least the chicken wasnt that tough compared to the previous days. The camp had a debrief after dinner. The longest camp debrief ever. We took around 3 hours compared to less than 30 min for in school camp debrief. The night rest was good. Yu zheng and chor kiat bunked in with me as ah leow had to leave earlier by KTM. Supper was great.

Day 4 journey back was ok. Msia KFC still tastes the best. The chicken seems different. The last stop was another sovenier shop. It looks more like a place where cai tou gets chopped. Hahaha.. Anyway, i still go there to get chopped as there were no way to spend the rest of the ringgit after this stop. Bought the standard stuff. Reached sch before 5pm. Took group photos and dismissed.

This camp was very enjoyable. I can see someone helping someone during each obstacle. It would be great if next year camp is overseas too. :)

Shall continue with the December happenings again.

I would never want to sing 我爱的人. I would never want to feel with the lyrics.
So how do i go about from here onwards? Someone teach me, please?

Two Hundred Eighty Eight Time

2008-11-29T00:46:00.003+08:00

Overseas tomorrow. So Ong was talking to me on MSN and told me he wrote a poem. Not bad ar. Your cheena still good. I shall share my unfinished song/compo here too. Ong, for you you know.

坠落天使
世上的天使都为了一个女孩而存在，
命运在冥冥之中早有安排的那个她。
他等待女孩的成长，
在她生命里暗地帮忙。
天使此时降入人间，
隐藏着自己的翅膀。
天使日夜寻找他的那个她，
那女孩的踪影。

当天使决定把翅膀撕下的那一刻起，
他已经决定放弃在天空翱翔的自由。
他将翅膀献个女孩，
给予女孩从此的温暖。
天使此时坠落凡间，
受经凡间冷酷无情。
天使日夜找寻那遗失的翅膀,
那女孩的踪影.

Chorus, bridge and 2 more stanza not finish. Nowdays no feeling to continue the song.
Bon voyage to myself.

Two Hundred Eighty Seven Time

2008-11-21T21:46:00.003+08:00

Some very nice new songs. Jay new songs are forgettable. His era is over.

我还想她
泪水将我淹没到底谁该难过
究竟是谁放掉这段感情
我才终于明白办不到的承诺
就成了枷锁现实中幸福永远缺货

请告诉她我不爱她
笑著难过自我惩罚
想终止这一切挣扎狠了心说真心谎话
别告诉她我还想她
恨总比爱容易放下
当泪水堵住了胸口
就让沉默代替所有回答

我才终于明白办不到的承诺
就成了枷锁现实中幸福永远缺货

请告诉她我不爱她
笑著难过自我惩罚
想终止这一切挣扎狠了心说真心谎话
别告诉她我还想她
恨总比爱容易放下
当泪水堵住了胸口
就让沉默代替所有回答

我不爱我不痛我不懂
我的心早已掏空
真心话言不由衷

请告诉她我不爱她
笑著难过自我惩罚
想终止这一切挣扎狠了心说真心谎话
别告诉她我还想她
恨总比爱容易放下
当泪水堵住了胸口
就让沉默代替所有回答

别告诉她我还想她
就让沉默代替所有回答

你不是真正的快樂
人群中哭著你只想變成透明的顏色
你再也不會夢或痛或心動了
你已經決定了你已經決定了

你靜靜忍著緊緊把昨天在拳心握著
而回憶越是甜就是越傷人了
越是在手心留下密密麻麻深深淺淺的刀割

你不是真正的快樂你的笑只是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

這世界笑了於是妳合群的一起笑了
當生存是規則不是你的選擇
於是妳含著眼淚飄飄盪盪跌跌撞撞的走著

你不是真正的快樂你的笑只是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

你不是真正的快樂你的傷從不肯完全的癒合
我站在你左側卻像隔著銀河
難道就真的抱著遺憾一直到老了然後才後悔著

你不是真正的快樂你的笑只是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

你不是真正的快樂你的傷從不肯完全的癒合
我站在你左側卻像隔著銀河
難道就真的抱著遺憾一直到老了然後才後悔著

你值得真正的快樂你應該脫下你穿的保護色
為什麼失去了還要被懲罰呢
能不能就讓悲傷全部結束在此刻重新開始活著

Two Hundred Eighty Six Time

2008-11-02T01:54:00.003+08:00

Stress up week. 10 ann, influenza exercise. zzZZzz.. Brain busting soon.
To Ong - 火烧屁股，热滚滚！

TBC

Two Hundred Eighty Five Time

2008-10-27T00:03:00.003+08:00

Tiring week, physically. Badminton on wed and thurs, and standard lack of rest.
A 3 crab assholic pilot shit pissed me off on friday. This asshole just walked to me and asked me about his past records of vaccination. So i tried to help him find through the old records and computer records. Then he said 'This kind of basic stuff you should know'. So he was trying to imply that I did not know anything about vaccination. It's an insult to my vocation, my profession, my qualification. I was already very nice to entertain him despite a few ppl outside dispensary waiting for drugs. And by proper procedure, he should have called or email in advance if he needs anything regarding his medical records. I dont understand how this kind of human can go to such a high rank. Let's pray the plane he flies crash into shark infested sea and he sees himself gets ripped apart alive. :) Sickening asshole..

Was at dhoby gaut just now waiting for mark. So decided to go donate blood out of curiosity. Actually i wanted to feel how it is like to be IV-ed with local anaesthetic. So did the registration questionnaire, medical screening. So i choose my right arm to be sacrificed. Whoever said that blood donation is not painful should be hung up and beaten to tears. The SN used the sc needle and injected some anaesthetic. Then she inserted the big needle. So i asked her how big the needle is, is it 14 or 16. She said it was 16. It couldnt be 16, i saw the eye of the needle. It was much bigger than the 16 i used before. The needle she use is like the vitasoy straw, the transperent part of it that kind of size. The actual pain was when injecting the anaesthetic. The big needle was painless, but its a strange feeling like something is there. The scary part is that the needle is IN there in the whole process. zzZZzz.. But not bad experience considering its my first blood donation. Still have many freebies at the refreshment area.

To that person.
Your mindset is not matured enough to face reality. I see no point to be nice to you. If avoidance is your choice, than you can you know what yourself.

Two Hundred Eighty Four Time

2008-10-19T00:58:00.002+08:00

A quickie before i sleep.
I have a new addiction. Wine addiction. Not the type that is sour and 'siap'. I am into wine with sweeter taste like Long Flat, both white and red.

This week is a good week. With two days of leave on mon and tues. Lesson on wed night was great. Duty on thurs was ok. Friday workload was chill out.
Sat total defence gold was a great success, thanks to the good planning of the sec 3s. Especially the attack of the monster Yanrong.

Wishing all the kids who are taking O level good luck if you dont have great ability. :)

Two Hundred Eighty Three Time

2008-10-12T22:52:00.002+08:00

What happened on Friday 121008 and shit stuff

Of disgusting behaviours.
I was eating lunch at the pantry when the storeman walked in at looked for something to eat. First, he opened up a out ration and took a piece of pork rib, closed the pack and put it back into the bag. Second, he ate the pork ribs, threw it into the empty biscuit box. Third, I asked him who will clear this. He said its not his problem, the duty medic can clear it.
Another Mud came in, looked for his halal food. He opened the ration box, ate it and throw it back into the bag.
And since its a friday, if the duty medics of Fri-Sun dont clear the ration bags, just imagine the smell of the pantry on Monday. Lucky i am on leave on Mon and Tues.

Recently, my officer bought a tin of biscuit for us to share among ourself. So the ppl from my unit ate abit and close it. The ppl from the cat unit found the biscuit very nice, so they kept eating it. Less than three days, the $30 worth of biscuits were finished up by the cat ppl. And the biscuit was suppose to be for duty personnel when they are hungry at night or weekend. They had no guilt whatsoever about finishing up everything. And, they are Muds and Gehlengs.

Of worthlessness and uselessness
The cat ppl are really worthless piece of trash. They are just there to add up to the numbers. They do nothing but walk around, laze around, sleep around the medical centre. They are so incompetent that some dont even know how to do ECG, dont know how to fill in forms that they see everyday. They dont even bother to fill up their duty checklist when they are on duty. Some can just tell you that they are busy and walk away and go somewhere to sleep.

Of Stupid audit
We had audit for two days, wed and thurs. Just dunno why, this audit made me pissed off for two whole day. So for two days, my face was black. When the audit ppl came and ask me qn, i literally injected poison into every sentence i replied them. On thurs, the chief auditor came into my territory after office hours and started asking me qns. At first i tried to reply as nicely as possible, then she kept asking qn. My blood was boiling like lava. So i told her that i have to close this room as it was after office hrs. Then every qn she asked i just kept shooting back at her. I swear that i was so angry that i could just stuff her head into the usb port.

A very bad week indeed. I think i should just work the amount that I am given.

Two Hundred Eighty Two Time

2008-10-12T00:10:00.003+08:00

The truth is the hardest to accept. I might have just blown it, yet again... I really have nothing to say... Screw.

Two Hundred Eighty One Time

2008-10-05T22:46:00.002+08:00

1.5 days of Off added after this week's PH duty and today's RT cover.
A quite peaceful week. Except the partial gan chiong mood due to the audit next wed. Everyone is trying to clear up any mess made in the past few months. We are trying to keep any discrepancy low.

Was returning home from kopi yesterday 041008. S of SKB suddenly tell me that he felt quite stress or lost that he would be joining the working force in 7 months time. He still doesnt know what job he wants. He said maybe admin for the start, which is totally different from his chemical engineering. He also said that how he wish he had just finish his O, relaxing life. I couldnt agree more.. He said he can already feel the stress of the only son, the eldest child. If he was feeling such stress, then wouldnt i feel like dying long ago.. Hahaha... The only son, the only child, the eldest child, the youngest child. Every sai also me. Lols..

Two Hundred Eighty Time

2008-09-28T22:52:00.002+08:00

What i want to say to one of my friend.
'If your religious activities is interfering with studies, which would you choose? Choose to go for the activity and pray that your god will save your ass and give you an A for the exams? Choose to study and not attend it, anyway you are going to heaven even if you dont go attend right? Your chronic emo shit is affecting everyone , dont you see that?'

Since the topic is on religion, let's touch about it.
Christian- You who believe in god will go heaven. So i presume i am going to hell. I dont understand why anyone would believe this. Only through jesus then you can go heaven. To me, its serious crap. Previously, i went to one of my ex friend church activity N years ago. So this guy gave me a brochure and explain this jesus thing to me. On that brochure, there's two pictures. Its two flat ground with a gap in between. The first picture shows a figurine standing on many layers of good deeds, charity, volunteer, but he could not get to heaven. The other picture show had a cross in the gap named 'jesus'. Which means to say that only through jesus then you can go to the other side, presume to be heaven. If a non believer who So what does that mean? So even the zimbabwean president can go heaven if he becomes christian?

Something to say, but nothing to say.

Two Hundred Seventy Nine Time

2008-09-15T22:39:00.002+08:00

My adventures in the ulu island have finally ended. The last day was much more fascinating than the previous few days.
I followed a small monkey around to see what it was doing.
I walked on the seabed when the tide was super low. The seabed was out of the water all the way till the end of the jetty. Managed to walk about 1/3 of the length. Miniature sea creatures were scrambling along the seabed. Crabs of different colour, mostly brown and orange. Super small mudskippers about 1cm long. I also found lala.
There were alot of coral reefs around. All of them have dried up and they became a path for me to walk on. The sand on the seabed was like sponge. Whenever you take a step, you can see water oozing out from somewhere close. It also had characteristic of quicksand. My feet could sink in just by standing still on one spot.
Today was the latest time to leave the island. The boat came at 2000hrs. The island was pitch dark and quiet, except for the spot light from the huts and the humming of the power generators.

I was thinking, have i been in the service industry for too long, that it have become a part of my life, even in the way i think and live. In the service industry, the customer is always right, so the service personnel tends to give in even though in their heart they are cursing and swearing. I am quite sick of thinking for others before self. Somehow, it seems that it made my life miserable by doing so. Maybe i should be start to become a ugly singaporean, kiasu, selfish, rude. Maybe that will be a better way out. Lols..
'How long are you going to ignore me?'

Two Hundred Seventy Eight Time

2008-09-14T21:36:00.005+08:00

Back. My 5th time logging in. Too many things to write, need some consolidation.

6 September 08 was the day when my long time friend Ng Shun De and his wife Cynthia Heng held their solemnization ceremony at Shangri-La Rasa Sentosa Resort. Of course, i was there to witness such a great moment. For this special occasion, i chose a formal wear. Just when i thought its good to go, my mother stopped me and commented on my hair. "So flat". So i sat down while she used hair spray on my hair. When it was done, she said my hair will have a more 'pong' look. zzZZzz.. But i think i was overdress. Wearing formal wasnt a good choice as the ceremony was held outdoors near palawan beach. The wind was super strong but thanks to the hair spray, my hair was stuck there. Hahaha..
After the solemnization, there was a hi tea reception at level 5. The place was nice, unfortunately the food wasnt. The whole thing ended around 4.30. Took a lift from his relative to bukit batok mrt. The question of the day was "So when is your turn?". Hahaha.. How come aunties like to ask this question at this kind of occassion. Maybe they are waiting for another treat. Lols..

Havent been back to medical centre for the past 5 days. Was posted out of mainland sg for some bingbongbang exercise. The scenery there wasnt that great. Muddy ground, smelly mud, questionable handwashing water, attap huts toilet, lots of insects. Good thing i was stationed indoor most of the time. The seawater there were much cleaner than those in mainland, at least the water at the coastline is clear. It would have been a great place for beach lover with great sun, strong wind, some soft sand, trees for shade and less the banglas, thais, dead corals, and the toilet sewage linked to the sea. :)
Day 1 was good. Did some fishing there. I had to learn how to hook the bait, cast the bait. By the end of the day, i caught 3 fishes. First fish was around 10 cm, with some white poka dots. Second was a swordfish like fish about 20 cm. The third was a yellow fish with black stripes around 10cm. Gave the first two fish to the thai and let the other fish off. Fishing is a good way for time to pass. Sunburnt.
Day 2 and 3 starts to get stagnant. Just roaming around the room and admin area, reading and re-reading newspapers, playing PSP.
Overall, its still quite a bore to be there. One more day there and i will be back to medical centre to face all the emails. Sianz..

My senior medic is back after he completed his course for three months. Days without him in the medical centre can be quite boring. Because there will be endless things to do when he is back. Good that he's back to control everyone again, even the infantry medics.

Went for mid autumn festival celebration at limbang park on 120908. Reach around 7pm. Look see look see around while waiting for ck to arrive. When he arrived, we start to walk around the whole park to explore. Its almost the same as last year, the games, the tea and mooncake appreciation corner, the first aider shelter, firesparkers, old school lanterns. I believe the budget this year is higher. The emcee was Chen Jian Bin, the 97.2 DJ. Near the end of the whole event, ming zhu sisters appeared and started to perform. Seems more like a getai!
CK and I were there professionally for first aid duty and personally for some other secret personal objectives. So CK fulfilled his, Gladly (doesnt this word just look similar). I think I fulfilled mine too. But sad to say, shit happens, in fact in a double dose.

This seems abit late. My medical centre suffered from IPOD (Irrelevant Post Olympic Distress) after the beijing olympic ended. Because we were so used to tuning in to ch 5 to watch it everyday and cheer for china, usa, and maybe sg.

Mid Autumn Festival reminds me of this.
明月幾時有　把酒問青天不知天上宮闕　今夕是何年
我欲乘風歸去　唯恐瓊樓玉宇高處不勝寒　起舞弄清影　何似在人間
轉朱閣　低綺戶照無眠不應有恨　何事長向別時圓
人有悲歡離合　月有陰晴圓缺此事古難全　但願人長久　千里共嬋娟

When 2 becomes 1.

Two Hundred Seventy Seven Time

2008-09-04T22:11:00.002+08:00

After so long, i have forgotten about what happen on the eventful week. I remember celebrating nature(al) girl 22 birdday and celebrating S of SKB 21 birdday. Damn! Memory getting worse.

Got off day yesterday 030908. Rest at home till around 3pm. Packed my bag for judo and off to meet scott to go NYP. Finally, i am going back after a year. There is no longer a dojo. The training ground have changed to the dome. The tatami mats have to be taken out from the storeroom and lay out during every training. The training space became smaller, 10m by 10m.
See alot of white belts and a few colour belts. Talk to sensei for awhile. Then went to help around with the white belts and orange-green training. Even after a year of break in judo, i could still remember the katas. But of course, abit of rust have accumalated. Didnt join in the cool down (i wasnt even warmed up).
Put myself up for free throws. As usual, peh jj still can throw me. The feeling of being thrown is good. Lols. Not that I am sadistic, its hard to describe the feeling. The feeling of being in the air is great. Wan shit, jeremy, jane arrived around 7pm. So wan shit and jeremy were being thrown by me.
-To wan shit, "How much did your brown belt cost?" :)
Dinner at amk S11. Sat around listening to dennis crazy and lame jokes. Left about 2245.

Thoughts - The white belts were very nua, couldnt see any fighting spirit in them. Sad.

My upperstudy will be leaving tomorrow 050908 after two years of being in green. I was glad to have him as a upperstudy unlike my previous upperstudy. I had to clear the mess he made, he had unrepllied emails that were more than half a year old.
Without him around, the dispensary would start to become boring. Without all his crazy gundam moves, his eccentric theories, his snores during lunch hour and all the sinful canteen breaks. The already stagnant life there would be even more stale next week onwards. Haiz.. 1 year 2 months to go. I had enough of life in green.

Anyway, I have taken up a new martial art few months back. It is called 五祖拳.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_Ancestors
http://www.wuzuquan.com/video.asp
Its not all about physical strength. Mental strength plays a very big part. Mind over matter is a good phrase to describe this art. The moves are usually not fanciful, no high flying kicks, no hand hit hand effects. Hoping to keep my mind as clear as possible, or else i will never progress in this art.

Anarex is taking effect now. Till then....

Two Hundred Seventy Six Time

2008-08-18T22:04:00.003+08:00

A very eventful week.

110808 Monday
What seems a peaceful duty suddenly turned into a night of adrenaline rush. Around 8plus pm, received a call that someone is having headache and vomitting. There was no real anxiety as this seemed like a very simple case. After 30min, in came the patient. On examination, his parameters were stable with complaints of headache. So passed him two panadol while calling the other centre to inform them that we will be sending him over. Then the driver came, so i went to open the door and asked the patient to load the vehicle. Here's where the thrill starts. He walked over saying he is very giddy. So i quickly grab him and walked towards the vehicle. So i asked him to hold on to the vehicle while I lowered the steps. He suddenly turned jelly and fell back. Here's the point where all the vulgarity and worse case scenario starts to surface in the mind. So i quickly went over to do the primary survey. LOC, DABC. He's alert, DAC cleared, with affected B. So i shouted for the other medic to bring out the oxygen and gave 100% oxygen at 25litre. No RBS was done as i witnessed the fall. Till this point, some personnels booking in started to crowd as we were on the road outside the centre. So as there were bystanders, i told them to assist. The captain started to talk to the patient, someone told the other driver to get ready, someone called the other centre's doctor, someone got the stretcher, the first driver drove his vehicle away. It was amazing to be able to get help from so many people. However, there were some "ADMIN LAPSE" for the use of the other better vehicle. Need to follow some R&R, bla bla bla bla... After awhile, the patient was loaded up to the stretcher and up the ambulance. I stayed with him all the way. He started to have muscle stiffness and coldness of the fingers. I started rubbing his fingers warm, massaging him stiff forearms. I had to continually check his LOC as his eyes were not fully open.
Halfway to the other centre, he started to say his chest feel pain. So i have to start massaging his chest to loosen the tight muscle. It felt abit gay rubbing his chest but at that kind of situation, no choice. Nearing the destination, the oxygen ran out. So i took out the mask and ask him to breathe deeply. He said he couldnt breathe properly and his face started to look bad. I quickly took out the BVM and shouted at him to follow my count. He had difficulty following my count, so after awhile, i notice the diaphragm of the patient valve moved whenever he exhaled. So i followed his breathing by pumping more air during each inhalation.
Then here comes another "ADMIN LAPSE". Not appropriate to mention here. Some R&R and bla bla bla thingy again. The driver sped on to the centre and we quickly unload the patient to the resus room with the help of other ppl there. Started to pack up the interior of the vehicle as there were equipments everywhere due to the rush. The patient was admitted there so we made our way back.
Saw this patient the next day at my centre, feeling better but still abit of headache. Saw him again today 180808, he seems more alive and can smile at me.
It was an experience that no one would like, but when responsibility comes knocking on your door, you have no choice but to accept it professionally.
I wouldnt say that i saved him, but i tried my best to prevent his condition from worsening, thus preserving life and promoting recovery chances. :)

120808
Another bad day, after a bad night experience and insufficient rest. 1 guy with chest pain and another guy with asthma attack in the same room at the same time, with 40 plus ppl waiting to take blood, one complaining dogter, and one dont know anything spec makes situation more frustrating. I was helping the other dogter to prepare med for asthma man, when the other dogter started to make noise over the EKG machine. This dogter starts grumbling and asking me how, when he should be the giving orders. So i ignored him to prevent conflict and then he went on to disturb my treatment ic. The spec took out the connection of the EKG machine and tell me, "You can keep this things i go see the other guy". Then i exploded. Vulgarity flowed out and the spec was stunned. So was the dogter on the other side. I left the room to relax while cursing the spec in heart.
From here on, i became the Infamous Medic Spec Killer of my centre. Whichever spec that doesnt perform to his allowance and stripes level, will be suaned horribly by me. Bring it on, the 3 useless spec, challenge me.

150808
Nature(al) girl 22birdday celebration
TBC

160808
SKB's S 21 birdday celebration
TBC

Two Hundred Seventy Five Time

2008-08-10T01:12:00.002+08:00

泪水流得快，停得快，干得快。
It started with the wrong topic with the right answer...... At least i said what i wanted to say....
Stupid!!!!!!!

Two Hundred Seventy Four Time

2008-08-09T00:07:00.003+08:00

Back to KSS for NDP today 080808, with ai suan and choon kiat. Choon kiat and me set our objectives before reaching school. :) So we viewed the parade at the foyer. The usual cock up from the GOH(I did not mention NPCC). Band played the music at the wrong time. Parade commander said a command wrongly, but nobody in the crowd will know so its still ok. Flag bearer timing also. zzzZZzZzz.. After the march pass is the NDP 08 form up and national day speech. The speech dampens the atmosphere for abit.
Then came the student leaders catwalk. It looks better than during rehearsal.
Then came the national costume parade.
Then came the pyramind building. Fast and furious.
Then came the Kranji Idol. Their singing were very nice. Their rendition of 'Home' was superb. And of course all the other songs.

Here's where the fun of the day starts, once in a lifetime experience begins.

Part 1 The Chronicles Of Narhia - The Infectant's Friend
So near dismissal time, we were trying to complete our day's objective. Somehow, it completed itself without us needing to do anything. Just a turn of the head and the objective were completed. Best. So upon completing the shared objective, we were persistent to perfect the objective. So we seek help from an unreliable source offering to do barter trade in exchange. Not only was the source unreliable, its was infected with virus. The virus soon spread. Though it didnt cause mass destruction, it still caused infection to a certain extent. Lady luck was on our side. Just as we were pondering about this infection, from across the window, the objective appeared from the corner of my eyes. Of course this time round, no thanks to the superinfectant.
We made our way to the canteen. To our dismay P(pun intended), information from other sources concluded that our objective was flawed. He, was so shocked that he dropped flat on the ground and had to be lifted to the bench to relief the traumatic news.(unseen dramatic cutscene)
End of part 1.

Part 2 The Chronicles Of Narhia - The He, The R and The Huh?.
As the memories of the objectives faded away, a new sequel was to unfold. As we were sitting in the canteen with the new infectants, we were approached by two subjects. Let's call them R and huh?. R and huh? were mesmerized by He. Upon knowing that He was related to the infectants, the subjects were infected with yet another virus. A virus stronger and more potent than the previous one, deadly, swift, silent. As there is no known reference about this super virus, let's call this super virus DHL. The subjects got into berserk mode. Photos were taken, contacts were exchanged, kisses were exch.... erhem, refrained. He, suddenly became a king, King to the two subjects, and maybe the sidekick. :) Lunch started. As we were discussing on where to queue, the 2 subjects came running towards us with plate of food. We wanted to escape, but to no avail.(too many benches and tables la) From then on, the King was treated as a royalty. Food was delivered. Desserts were served. And most importantly, serviettes came in bundles, with wiping service included.
Time to leave. As He left the gates, he couldnt help but take a look at G. To his horror, what he saw were just the two subjects eyeing him, salivating and threatening to bite at any moment. So we left the gates, with two infectants, and two super infectants. Journey back was ardous. Superinfectant R tried to close in on He, but He was dexterous enough to evade the impending 'Bua'. Superinfectant huh? just looked on, laughing and smirking at all times.
After awhile, we reached the mall. There, we met K, another admirer of He. R and K exchanged glances and said nothing. The time have come for R and huh? to leave. Snapshots of He were taken before they left, leaving a deeper scar and and even more traumatic morning for He and his sidekick.
He, will never forget this day, and he will always remember one thing. He will remember the name of R but not huh?.
End of part 2

I regretted leaving school early today. Happiness was so near..

bo G, R ma hou..

Two Hundred Seventy Three Time

2008-08-03T23:38:00.002+08:00

当我决定敞开胸怀定下心来时，两三个选择在不知不觉中冒了出来。难道射手座的命运就是如此吗？难道人马就一辈子要在树林里寻觅，永远找不到属于自己的一棵树吗？

Two Hundred Seventy Two Time

2008-07-28T22:09:00.002+08:00

Looking at the side of my right palm, i see 3 line spaced almostly evenly apart. According to palmistry, this 3 line indicates the number of lover you will have in your life, and the spacing in between is the years that you will meet the other one. If this was to be true, i would have already missed my first and awaiting for the third. If the spacing indicates the number of years, so it will be 17 , 34 , 51. That is damn old...

TBC....

Two Hundred Seventy One Time

2008-07-23T22:47:00.002+08:00

Equation - Sun + LJS = Sick
Fell sick on sunday. Feverish, sore throat, block nose, phlegm. And the bad thing, its my duty. So i spent the whole sunday in an air conditioned place feeling like shit.
Cover on monday morning. There were no runners, so picked up the marshals and returned to medical centre earlier. Went to scan my card to see MO. So i get to choose my own medication. But i have no MC. zzZZzz.. So i spent my day floating around feeling like shit.
Went polyclinic on tues. Got 2 days MC. Good doctor. Wahaha.. Spent my day resting. Couldnt do much too. Too sick to feel like doing anything.

Two Hundred Seventy Time

2008-07-10T23:22:00.003+08:00

My hokkien cells is awakening.

李嘉
攏是為著你啦
http://youtube.com/watch?v=FsNfqpOW9sE

陈百潭,陈盈洁
一条手巾仔
http://youtube.com/watch?v=vqeh6ZzGVCs

陈百潭
爱情一阵风
http://youtube.com/watch?v=UrH-Q4dyPzo

陳百潭
初戀
http://youtube.com/watch?v=YM4t-MlXvl4

陳百潭
祝福
http://youtube.com/watch?v=wNuLMQ90gDk

And the bestest part, its all in the original form as I have seen years ago, 10 over years ago.
Enjoy!

Bo go ship da

Two Hundred Sixty Nine Time

2008-07-06T22:59:00.002+08:00

050708
POP 08. My 2nd batch.

Two Hundred Sixty Eight Time

2008-07-04T23:09:00.002+08:00

This week is shag, mad, sad.

Imagine seeing your colleague being handcuffed, escorted by the MP, sent to detention barrack because of a moment of folly. Its not a nice feeling.

The feeling of anger... This is definitely too much.

The chorus goes:
"I dont wanna lead an army life, I just want to lead a simple life!"

Two Hundred Sixty Seven Time

2008-07-01T22:48:00.002+08:00

Guess I'm back. Had a very peaceful day yesterday. Wasnt in camp for 85% of the time. That might be the reason for the peace. Had IV cannulation yesterday, the pain was bare minimum. Only the superficial pain. Dunno is it because the guy's skill is good, or my nerve endings there is spoilt, or just because i was super relax. Its one of the rare day where there was no stress at all, no shouting, no rude patient, no irritating phone call, no brainless emails.

Last week was a bad week. Too many things clotted my mind, mostly bad. I swear i was on the verge of going crazy, because alot of strange thoughts and solutions came to mind. Hope its just the normal peak and trough of life, with the trough going lower with each cycle.

There is so many stressors and yet so little way of destressing. In camp, i should really just stick to what i am supposed to do, make sure nothing cock up under my hand can already.
Sometimes being too strong is also a bad thing. Everybody look upon you, expects a higher standard from you, ppl ask you to help here help there and in the end you get nowhere. Sometimes i just wish that i had studied engineering or business. To me it seems to make you look more like a commoner.
But saying so, i do not regret my choice of study. At least its consider a professional job. The highly sought after diploma that many ppl want.

Its July 1. As i flip the calendar, the photo there brought back memories. The class photo of NR0421. The greatest class photo(total of 2 pictures for 3 whole year :X). Nostalgic. Missing school days...

Bo Go Ship Da
等待那一天的到来，或也许那一天不会到来。
只要相信会有那么一天，只要。。。

Two Hundred Sixty Six Time

2008-06-06T00:16:00.002+08:00

This should be the third time i am signing in to write this post. Previously, there were too many thoughts that were running in my mind, so i didnt know what to put in. Actually, its still in a mess.
Many shit happening in camp. Clearing my upperstudy backlog of mails, learning to fill up many many many forms - all because i have a diploma in nursing. WTH. The best part, one of the dxo told me before she left for meeting 'Take care of the medical centre and the other guys.' Then i told her there is still 2 older medics to take care. Then she said ' Because you nursing ma'. Its like -_- Why dont the medics put a statue of me and pray to me everyday........ I just want to do what i am suppose to do there, not more not less, finish my 1year 5 months peacefully. No more senior medic 4ic, no more ocs dream. There is no honour, no glory, nothing.

More to come......

Bo go ship da

Two Hundred Sixty Five Time

2008-06-01T23:13:00.002+08:00

FAC 08 is over. 17 trophies. Thrash HS NA HN. AC went up to 4th position after many years of last place.
Diploma Nursing can win Bachelor Nursing? Good game.

More to come..

Two Hundred Sixty Four Time

2008-05-19T22:11:00.003+08:00

Another week have passed.
Finish all my duties for the month of May. FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!! Duty sucks. Waste of time and life.
Zone soccer competition on sat. Didnt win anything as expected. We were there for fun and laughter. Watching the girls play was more of a comedy than competition. For the guys, its a bit more violent. I hate violence. :) Because i wasnt the one being violent. Wahaha.. But everything is alright. Nobody got injured. I think the dodge ball we played ourself were nicer than the soccer. And of course, in every event, there will be things that I would feel disgusted by or not happy with.

1. The officer / team manager of a particular corp (not mentioning that its the organising sch) was scolding and shouting at his players. That is so uncivilised as witnessed and evidenced by his looks.
2. According to Banglaura, this particular officer was reprimanding his players after the match. And at one point of time he told his players, "How can we lose to them (pointing to us)?" Sore losers! Hope your family dont have to stuff a milk bottle in your mouth to pacify you.
3. Sportsmanship were not present in the games. More of sportsmanHOLYSHIT. Refusing to shake hands after the games, kicking of players legs, blasting ball at players chest, bodying around. If only i am in the game....

Anyway, minus all these bad points. There are still good points.
1. The canteen is open.
2. Bread and water provided.
3. Sufficient rest for all the teams before the next game.
4. Good organiser less that officer.

At the end of the day, this soccer competition is just another event. Lose or win doesnt matter.
There's a malay saying - Lose never mind, style must have. We did it the KSJ style.

The real deal is the upcoming FAC. That's where brawn alone dont bring you anywhere near the championship.

New word of the week. Shirin - New vulgarity.

Chronicles of Narnia : Prince Caspian is coming to town at the end of May. After 2 years 5 months+++, the sequel is finally here. Watching it is not a problem, watching it right is the problem.

这是另一种似曾相识感觉

Two Hundred Sixty Three Time

2008-05-12T23:33:00.002+08:00

What a week. It isnt that bad. Handled some health screening and overseas stuff when my upperstudy is gone for his one week of leave. Truly, the job sucks. Too little human to entertain, too many stupid ass to entertain. Medic? I doubt so. I am more like a clerk with medic skills. -_- Spent my sunday in darkness in the medical centre. My counterpart slept from 7am-5pm. He wakes up for dinner,toileting,gaming. Then he slept at 10pm.
Duty for this week, 2,4,7.
Went jogging. Super energetic. Ran further this time round. Distance should be 4km. More to go. Should have started long ago.

Two Hundred Sixty Two Time

2008-05-01T22:20:00.002+08:00

Quite peaceful week. 1 more duty on sat.
Heard from guohao that yiying is getting married in september. And yuening is gonna give birth in mid july. Christina is also pregnant. Its seems so strange. Fate seems so bizzare. But of course, this kind of thing cannot be rush(even though one of the above case is a 'bang bang' case).

Like what Ong always says,
爱要耐心等待, 仔细寻找, 感觉很重要. 宁可空白了手, 等候一次真心的拥抱. 我相信在这个世界上一定会遇到, 对的人出现在眼角.

Random thought
Neither up nor down theory
Sometime in life, one might feel that it is a time to take a step higher to greater height. But somehow or rather, there is a downward force pulling against you, which we scientifically call it, Gravity. Lame. Maybe its just some burden or problem. So often there is a confusion or dilema whether one is going up or falling down.

Till then..
jeg mangler deg!

Two Hundred Sixty One Time

2008-04-27T22:21:00.002+08:00

This week is rather peaceful. Maybe its a prelude before yet another duty-full month. 6 duties in the first 20 day of May. 1 weekend, 1 PH, 4 weekday. Its like one duty every other day. I can foresee shagness. But at least after the 20 days, we have at least 10 days without duty.

Went for jog. Around 2.4km. Not so bad. Ran towards gombak but no way near there. Someday i will reach xiao guilin by foot.

Two Hundred Sixty Time

2008-04-20T22:13:00.002+08:00

These few days is bad. Especially on Friday, when i was on the verge of exploding with regards to some "Happy" anniversary celebration. Where did that happiness gone to?
Even more unhappiness on Saturday, the event day. Sunburnt + grudges = Oxygen tanks +Dynamites in blazing hot and dry desert.
Super pissed...............................

Picking up a new martial art. Class starting in two weeks time. Hope its good.
Cooling down...

Two Hundred Fifty Nine Time

2008-04-16T22:14:00.002+08:00

Its a day smeared with gayness.
This guy from 2 SIR was refered to skin centre for some problem. So i made the referal for him while he goes out to smoke. So i made another referal for another pt while waiting for him to collect his referal letter. While on the phone, the guy came back and i just pass him his letter. He said something but i was concentrating on the phone call. After i hang the phone, my friend had a stunned face and told me, "You know what he said before he left?" He said, "Thank you! I love you! Bye!". A feeling of disgust and disbelief sets in. So it somehow became the joke of the day.

The two dxo had a long lunch. 1130-1445. What the hell did they eat for 3hr 15min. It is getting out of hand.

Two Hundred Fifty Eight Time

2008-04-12T23:24:00.002+08:00

Like I said, this week is a hectic hell week. Cover after duty after cover X n
Even with such shitty schedule, the random mind of mine seems to function more humanly.

What is the difference between determination, persistance, perseverance.
My mind is more determined to persevere and not persist, I hope. Reality check.

Now i am starting to analyze my colleagues. The way they talk, work, handle responsibility etc... The results till now is disappointing but its just them.

I decided to aim for Corporal First Class and make myself the pseudo Senior Medic 4 IC (The first 3 are sign on) during the next 1.5 years of my service in army. Its the closest i can get to specilaist level. Fighting spirit.

Two Hundred Fifty Seven Time

2008-04-10T22:37:00.002+08:00

Hectic week. 2 covers 3 duty.
Cover on Tues and Sat. Duty on Wed, Fri, Sun.
1 hospital case and 1 emergency call.
Mental/Physical torture.... zzZZzZzZzzzzz....

The dream last night is so heart warming. If only ... ....

Two Hundred Fifty Six Time

2008-04-01T22:55:00.002+08:00

One of my grandfather just pass away.
Went to the wake just now. As I approach the altar, i felt sad. He who brought me up from baby to pri 2 was laying motionlessly in the casket. Felt like crying but no.
Sat down and chatted with the grandsons. We talk about how it was like 10 over years ago. The frequent fights, the alliances, the bed we jump on.
One of the auntie came up to me and said, 以后不可以叫阿公了！It's like rubbing salt on the wound. Its already sad that I cant see him for the last time. How saddening!
I bid farewell to grandmother before leaving. She have aged. She isnt as strong as she used to be.
I should value my grandmothers more...

One night is all i need ......

Two Hundred Fifty Five Time

2008-03-30T21:32:00.002+08:00

This week was abit exciting. Send one patient to hospital with suspected rib fracture. The journey was bumpy. Moral of the story - Dont use water to bathe.
7 duties for the month of april. 5 weekday, 2 weekend plus 1 family day celebration.

Flag day on sat. Went over to bukit batok, yew tee then woodlands.
Counting day on sun. Total of close to 5k. Getting better.

Two Hundred Fifty Four Time

2008-03-24T22:12:00.003+08:00

Its a monday. And it started bloody. Took 3 successful blood today. Missed one. The guy's vein cant be felt. Worse than my arm. Hahaha... Did one IV cannulation. Did two ECG. Did one wound dressing. At least i did something medical today.
I have bad seniors in the medical centre. The storeman just sleeps in the store the whole day. One of the medic keeps showing attitude. The other two clerks doesnt do their work at all, making us medics do clerk job. Another two medics can just go for canteen break when the place is super busy. Another new medic is still a kuku. Another medic stays in the medication room and read forums. Medics from other units can MIA and make ppl wait in the clinical measurement room like idiots.
Cant blame anyone for this. How do you expect a medic who is train for only 11weeks to understand what is healthcare industry. I am determined not to provide substandard care.

Not a born fighter, a forced fighter.

Two Hundred Fifty Three Time

2008-03-21T23:25:00.002+08:00

The week is boring. Get to understand more about how the medical centre function. Get to know who dont like who. Bus 67 is super packed after office hrs. I remember fifth 67 passed by before there is space. zZZzzZz..
Time to go for driving lesson. Time to go for other night class. NS sucks life from your life. I guess degeneration of the brain have already started. Time to wake those brain cells up before they hibernate forever.

Two Hundred Fifty Two Time

2008-03-16T12:08:00.002+08:00

I have already passed out from my basic medic course. I am now in a medical centre where we attend to all the big shots of the army. All the crabs and stars. It is kind of like a polyclinic, bounded by military laws and rank playing politics. Till now still quite boring. Kana screwed by a first sgt over the phone for his external appointment. Another 1year 7months there.. Argh...

Random Thoughts

Setting high standards for self and others. Can everyone keep up with the high standard, or rather, can I keep up with the high standard?
Perfectionism vs High standards. Perfect = No mistakes. High standards = Minimum mistakes.
If you set high standards for everything in your life, does that mean you are leading a good life?

Heroes only emerge during time of turbulence? Will a new hero stand up when the previous hero falls?

Many many things going through my mind. Cant seem to focus. Trying very hard not to do the wrong things.
On the day i get my posting, our MWO told us -
"In life you dont do the right things, you do things right."

千古罪人。这一切都是。。。。。。。。。。。。。。 我的错。

Two Hundred Fifty One Time

2008-03-14T23:08:00.002+08:00

The Officer's Creed

AS AN OFFICER OF THE ST JOHN AMBULANCE BRIGADE,

I DO HEREBY,

LEAD WITH HONOUR.

I WILL OBSERVE AND RESPECT THE MOTTO OF THE ORDER,

PRO FIDE, PRO UTILITATE HOMINUM.

I WILL CARRY OUT MY DUTY WITH INITIATIVE, COMMITMENT,

TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY.

I WILL INSPIRE MY MEMBERS WITH EXAMPLE,

TOWARDS FOR THE SERVICE OF MANKIND.

I WILL ALWAYS,

UPKEEP THE HONOUR AND DIGNITY OF THE BRIGADE.

I know i cant "To Lead, To Excel, To Overcome" or "With Pride We Lead". I am contented to "Lead With Honour".

What may seem a harm now may be a charm in the future.

Two Hundred Fifty Time

2008-03-09T15:41:00.002+08:00

So i'm back.
This week is a ok good week. Had BCS and Pharmocology theory test. Our field camp was cancelled. It was change to an outfield exercise instead. I was task to be the commander of the enemy of the frontline. Had to attack and throw 'grenades' to injure them. Our group was called "Immortal Service". The name says it all, we are immortal and can never be killed. Hahaha..
Had rehearsals for the graduation. Friday is the graduation. It was super bored. Imagine the LTC shaking the hands of 125 graduates. The ceremony ended with a medic cheer. Next was refreshment at the officer's mess. Finally, we took photos with the helicopter, the landmark of the medical corp.
Went out with ong on friday night. Discuss abit about the next day's training. Then sat at the old place. We seems to be sharing the same problem. The never ending misery. The feeling of helplessness. I am already getting used to it. Even though there are occasional breakdown, i am still standing my belief. Stupid or not, i can only suck my thumb.

Saturday is training as usual. Followed by lunch at pizza hut, then 1Qmeeting. Bathed in sch then off to tanah merah. Had my platoon outing. Its at SIA training centre. The place was ulu. The music was techno + R&B. The drinks were good. Gin, martell gordon bleu, jim beam, chivas regal and tequila shots. I think i was quite high but still conscious of what i was doing. Everybody was taking pictures with everybody. There were dancers aka Tequila Girls. So we just eat drink dance. 2 guys vomitted. A few of them already start to spurt nonsense after the event. My bed buddy hugged the lamp post and sat down. Took cab back with chuan foo and hidayat. My head was already heavy before boarding the cab. I knew i had to quickly reach home and sleep. Couldnt get to sleep till around 6am. My head is still feeling heavy now.
I am quite happy with the outing. At least I have seen another side of life. No more drinking for a long time.

Two Hundred Forty Nine Time

2008-03-02T13:57:00.002+08:00

Hmmmmm....
In life, there are things that make you happy, make you sad, make you cry. Music, photos, letters or even the mere mention of someone's name can bring about a change in your emotions.
In sports, there is always reserves and substitute if the main player are down. In relationships, there is no reserves and substitute. Never try to find another person to fill up the hole in your heart. If you are doing so, you are gonna hurt that person eventually. No matter how hollow your heart may be, you must believe that one day it will be filled up with love. Either you find the right person to stop the bleeding, or you bleed to death.

Advice from Ken Lim to Ken Lim

你是友情，还是错过的爱情？

Two Hundred Forty Eight Time

2008-03-02T00:44:00.002+08:00

Now is the time to chill out abit.
Weekdays are normal.

Sat
PD for KSS annual road run at Chinese-Japanese Garden. The lower sec starts to run. The weather starts to change. It starts to rain. Everyone was put under shelter. The first aiders were soaked. Poncho given out by the sch. Event stopped at 0930. Everyone goes back. Back to sch. Debrief in sch. NA team discussion. Then suddenly gas leak out from nowhere. Everyone frantically look for the source while the sec 4 ran away. -_-
Found in the drawer. Two super mini gas tanks. One is leaking due to years of corrosion. The CBRE trained personnel took care of it. It took 1.5 hrs to leak. Left about 1300. Reach HQ. Lunch. TOC with ******. Left at 1730. Rush home. Rush out to watch Leap Years. Nice movie.

It is a challenge not to love someone for the sake of loving someone.

Two Hundred Forty Seven Time

2008-02-24T18:56:00.002+08:00

Oh no! Its already Sunday. The time is 1855hrs. I need to leave home at 1930. Where is my break time???????????????????????????

My mind started to change this week.
I learn that i shouldnt just focus on someone and shut off all other options. I should continue to socialise and meet more ppl. She might or might not be the one i am looking for.

Are you gonna stay with the one who love you, or are you going back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they have lost you, someone's gonna thank the stars above.

Two Hundred Forty Six Time

2008-02-17T15:51:00.002+08:00

This week is a bad week for my platoon. Many unhappy things happened. Many many conflicts. Arguments over guard duty. Ppl trying to geng. Sergeants insulting status personnel. Sergeants making life hard for status personnel. The bunk next door almost had a fight. Super duper low morale for the whole platoon. I have never seen a group of ppl together with such low morale before. Sad case.

Mon
PAM Unstable practical exam. My case was SOB. Simple enough. Primary survey with assisted ventilation to oxygen mask, load and go, secondary survey. Pass. Got nights out. Went to AMK hub. Wanted to watch movie. But not enough time to watch. Go makan instead. Ate at the coffeeshop where the judokas always go.

Tues
Start of military PAM. Long 4 plus SBO. Instead of doing it at the training shed, we did it in open field. Quite fun and tiring.

Wed
Learn how to do TOC. Everything is familiar. The difference is that the stretcher is always shoulder height when transporting so that the medics can run. We did this contact drill also. We have to put/throw the stretcher on the ground with casualty on top when we get the signal. In less than 2 sec we are already on the ground. The casualty we use is a manikin which weighs 80kg. Carry until shag. Then we have to do a relay race. We have to use manual and strecther to transport the casualty around the field. The field is 3X the size of a soccer field. zzZZzz... Really super super super super super tired after the whole relay race.

Thurs
Valentine day. IV day. Its military IV. So we still do it in the field. We were told to keep it as sterile as possible. zzZZzz... How sterile can it be. Hahaha.. Nvm. This time we got timing to meet. 1 min to IV. That is super short time. Normally we can spend 3-5 min doing it. My partner did it in 1:45 min, the fastest yet. I did it at around 2min. The pain is getting lesser. Maybe I got use to the pain. In the afternoon was clinical skill lesson. The things that we learn in nursing. No nights out for us. Other platoon got to go out. Dunno why. Everyone is paranoid. Its super sad and lonely to spend the night in bunk.

Fri
Supposed to be book out day. We had military PAM again. This time it was more fun. We had mission. Our section have to fight the other section. We were on defensive. So we set up snipers behind the bush, in between the big tentage. So we were waiting for the other section to come and attack. In the end, two sections came to attack us. So we kept shooting and threw grenade when they got near us. But we still lose. Why? Everyone was using dummy rifle and our grenade was our FAD and burn dressing. So how to win or lose.. It was a fun event. But had many scratches on the hand.
In the afternoon, the sergeant announced the amended list of who will be doing duty on sat. So i was one of them. Alot were unhappy with the last min decision.
In the evening, we had our 8 km route march. It started out bad. I started to have blisters before 1km. The next 3km was hell. It was a hot and stuffy day. The road we walk on was super hot. The uphill part was a killer. 7kg++ field pack, 4kg rifle, 3 kg first aid kit. Very chuan. Along the way saw mah doing life run. Also saw kelvin tuong ze wen. Rested awhile at the accom block. Then off to the next 4km. Everyone was tired after the 8km. Then we had our flag lowering. As the flag lowers and the music plays on, tears started to roll down my eyes. Did the tears roll down because the music was too sad or because i completed 8km?

Sat
Started to do duty at 7am. Rot in the room till around 10am. Then the DO called us to do area cleaning. We clean one training shed full of logs. We have to differentiate the good and the bad logs. The place was infested with lizards, ants, termites and millipede. Clean till 1130. Then go for lunch. Then rot again till 1515. Had to go clean the smoking point. The place is horrible. The cigratte butts are ....... Clean till 1615. Relax till dinner. Attended staff parade at 2200. Slept at 0000.

Sun
Wake up at 0515. Flag raising 0600. Finish duty at 0745.
Went down to tampines to look for the girls for breakfast. Reach there around 0930. Had mac. Then took some/many pics before taking 168 to woodlands. Because of the duty on sat, i cant meet up with them for gathering at sarah hse. Quite disappointing.. But i must thank jessica, chee yan, jie ying and willy to eat breakfast with me after their overnight mahjong. :)

Next week should be a not so good week also. Alot of ppl is gonna geng. Sergeants are going to tekan us. Sianz~ Looking forward to March 10. 3 more weeks. Hang on there.

"There is no weak platoon
Only weak leaders"
So it speaks for my sergeants.

I am gonna write a song. Song title will be 小小王子. Getting inspiration....
Till then, Au Revoir.

Two Hundred Forty Five Time

2008-02-10T16:49:00.000+08:00

Mon

Had a theory exam for PAM. Only got to know it on sunday night when i book in. zzZZzz.. Still pass it. We were allowed to order mac in the night. We also ordered prata from Jalan Kayu.

Tue

PAM Stable practical exam. Simple exam. My case was on seizures. Did the pri survey, stay & treat, then load & go. Pass.

Wed

Did nothing in the morning in camp. Just area cleaning and some updates. Oranges were distributed to everyone. Book out around 1130.

Went home. Sleep. Then went to reunion dinner at my grandmother's hse. The standard food.

Thurs

CNY 1. Went to grandmother hse again in the afternoon. Played Bingo. Won 8 times. Finally after so many years of losing at bingo. Winning of $9.

Fri

CNY 2. Boring day. Went over to jerilyn hse play mahjong. Win $11. :)

Then at night my grandmother came over to my hse for dinner. Then mahjong again. Help my father play. Lost $30. zzZZzz..

Sat

SJ house visit day. Meet at cck at 0930 with ong, jing ying and ai suan. Train over to woodlands. Met wei fen here then took 168 to tampines. Then took 291 to ah leow hse. Bai nianed. Carried the baby. Damn scared. The baby look so small and fragile. Must start to learn how to carry and take care of baby. Hahaha.. Choon kiat arrived soon. Then mahjong again.

The next stop was ck hse. Bus back to tampines. Train to pasir ris. Then ck mother came to fetch us to his hse. 5 person have to squeeze at the back. Damn squeezy. But i was sitting at the front. :) First time at his hse. Walked around and found out that his room colour combi is same as mine. Next was lunch. Char bee hoon, hot bak kwa, chicken cubes, chilli prawn, chicken wing, hotdog, sotong balls. Lunch was nice and filling. Then played cards with his mother. No win no lose. Best situation. Then played with his brother. He kept shouting Huat Ar! His brother came and hit me. Superman(handle)ed his brother. Hahaha.. Then off to my hse. His father brought us back to pasir ris interchange. Then train back to cck. Meet mah at bukit batok. 300 back home.

Lame. zZZzz! Continue.
Reach home. Jerilyn came over. Played mahjong AGAIN. Eat cocktail. Next stop ai suan hse. Weifen left us from here. 300 to her hse. Bai nianed. The son-in-law goes back to the in laws hse. Finally, ai suan can change her footwear. Then we cabbed to ong's hse. Jing ying had to leave us at this stage. BZYY joined in.

Ong's hse was the final and dinner stop. The dinner was nice. Cabbage with abalone, wu xiang, prawn rolls, SOTONG BALLS, dumpling soup, braised chicken and lots lots lots of rice. Old joke. 水饺一碗多少钱？ Then played card at his hse. Eat some taiwan snacks. Open one tiger. Finally got to eat Metal Egg. From there, the hse visit ended.

But its not over yet. Post hse visit activity.
We trained back to cck. Ong, jeri, mah and me 300 back to my hse. Ck went home to bathe before coming over. AS and BZYY went home. So we mahjonged yet again. This time with $$$$. Started playing around 2300. After awhile, ong started to feel unwell. So he slept first while jeri took over. Played super long. Ended the game at 0430. Damn shag. Results of the game - ck lost to 3 of us. Jeri $7.50 , mah $5, me $1.20. Ck went home to sleep. Jeri went home to sleep.

Sun
Woke up at 8am. Ong went home. Back to sleep. Then mah went next door while i was sleeping. Woke up at 1230. zZZzz.. Ultimate sianness. Did nothing. Tomorrow have PAM Unstable Practical Exam and i havent study yet. Jia lat. Hope i dont fail. Gonna book in by 2130 later. Gonna leave home around 1930 or even earlier. Still have some important stuff might need to settle.

Till then. Happy CNY to all! Huat for everything you do!
Missing you

Two Hundred Forty Four Time

2008-02-03T14:52:00.000+08:00

Its a rest day. Which means its a boring day.
I was thinking what i wanted to do during CNY. Actually, there is nothing much to do during CNY. The routine visit to grandmother house. Then spend the whole day there, watching tv. The only best thing about CNY is the ang bao, other than that its just ba kwa, soft drinks, ba kwa, soft drinks, ba kwa, soft drinks. Its a killer combination of glucose and lipids. zzZZzz...

4 months from now. History is going to repeat itself.
10 months from now. History is NOT going to repeat itself.

我渴望，我奢望，我希望，我盼望，童话般的故事结局。
但
卒是寂寞的。兵是孤独的。军是冷酷的。

你_______________距离_______________我
你_距离_我
你_____ 他 __________________________我

当初的坚持，是对的吗？
当初的青涩，是对的吗？
当初的问题，是对的吗？
当初的冲动，是对的吗？
至今的固执，是错的吗？
至今的成长，是错的吗？
至今的答案，是错的吗？
至今的冷静，是错的吗？

林凯旋

Two Hundred Forty Three Time

2008-02-03T00:50:00.000+08:00

Backed.......
This whole week was spent on doing PAM aka primary and secondary survey. Had IV on thursday. As usual, it wasnt a nice feeling. My buddy miss my vein, so he had to do map reading inside. It seems to be the longest 3min or so of my life. You just feel so helpless laying on the ground letting your buddy poke you. It either the blood flows out, or the needle keep scratching your muscle. Still can feel the pain when i rub my hand across the IV hole.

Internal FAC today. Judge for long/medium case. Alot of improvement have to be made to every team, regardless taking part in zone fac or not. PAM must be instilled in every KSJ warrior. Intense training coming up. With the NA team joining the trainings, its gonna be tougher than ever. No matter what, I will be there for everyone.

Pain is inevitable. Pain tells you that you are still alive. Pain makes you a fighter. Fight for our glory. Fight for our victory. Fight for the things we never had before.

"Every first aider, A leader." For CAA Gold. For the Service of Mankind.
KSJ Huat Ar!

洋葱
如果你眼神能够为我片刻的降临
如果你能听到心碎的声音
沉默的守护著你沉默的等奇迹
沉默的让自己像是空气
大家都吃著聊著笑著今晚多开心
最角落里的我笑得多合群
盘底的洋葱像我永远是调味品
偷偷的看著你偷偷的隐藏著自己

如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会发现你会讶异你是我最压抑最深处的秘密
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会鼻酸你会流泪只要你能听到我看到我的全心全意

听你说你和你的他们暧昧的空气
我和我的绝望装得很风趣
我就样一颗洋葱永远是配角戏
多希望能与你有一秒专属的剧情

如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会发现你会讶异你是我最压抑最深处的秘密
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会鼻酸你会流泪只要你能听到我看到我的全心全意

Two Hundred Forty Two Time

2008-01-26T23:44:00.000+08:00

Back from camp again.

Mon
First IV with the 16G needle. The needle is thick. Almost as thick as the yakult straw. Fail the first needle. zzZZzz.. Passed the second one without blood spilling out. Best.
Had exam for the resus equipment. Didnt really study on it. The exam wasnt that hard. Just need to assemble the equipment then describe how to use and how to maintain it.

Tues
Learn about AOH (Arresting of haemorrhage). Yet another painful experience. 7 second to form a figure of 7 and minimum of three rounds around the amputation then end off with two knots. Many ppl had bruising on the right forearm.
Got to do burn dressing also. The easiest to do among all the four practical module to be tested on thursday.

Wed
A&P exam. Had to march to engineer block to take the exam. Its about 1.4km away because we took the long long long way there. The questions were hard. I deem it not suitable for medics to take. A few qn is like my poly bio paper standard. Those without bio background sure cannot answer those qn.
Then we had revision on the modules to be tested on thursday.

Thurs
Practical exam day. Luckily, my section had lectures in the morning. Most of us were just reading our books while the lecture is going on. Had our exam in the afternoon. It was abit more scary. There were alot of memorising to be done. eg. An elbow fracture have three different methods of immobilising according to the angle of the fracture. zzZZzz... But still, passed everything.
Got to know our A&P score. I got 43/50. The top scorer got 47/50. My position should be rank 4th or 5th. I think the top scorers are all nursing students. Hahaha...
Got to have a night's out. Went to sun plaza with the bunk mates. We were just loitering around. Then decided to watch movie. We watched cloverfield. Rating - 0.5/5
Horrible horrible show. The first man view method of filming CMI. Alot of time the screen is just shaking all around because the guy is running about. Almost had a headache watching that show.

Fri
Yet another IV session. Finally today, someone wanted to poke me. Actually I already wanted to be poke by 16G needle. Hahaha.. Everything also must try abit. The 20G is already a WOW x N experience. On monday, the first 16G session, some ppl already got tears in their eyes. That is how painful it is.
So i got ready and lay on the floor. Then came the needle. The pain is progressive. From an ant's bite from the initial penetration, then slowly to a WOW experience. It didnt feel so pain compared to the 20G. Then my partner poke into the vein, then blood started to back flow. Then to my horror/astonishment, my partner was scared of blood. He was perspiring and shaking when he saw the blood came out. I have to reassure him and tell him that i am not in pain. zzZZZzz.. Then the sergeant was guiding him.
"Okok. Hold on to the needle with your right hand, then hold the cannula with the left, then slowly dislodge." Then the next phrase shocked me like siao.
"Eh! Eh! Eh! Dont push the needle in. Hold on tightly then push the cathether in."
I think my bowel almost release itself when i heard this. Hahaha... The real pain came when the cannula starts to go in. The 20G cannula can just push in very smoothly into the vein. But the 16G cannula is so thick that it is rubbing against the skin. This dislodging part is the WOW x WOW experience.
Then the cannula gets sets in, the needle taken out. I think my partner didnt press tightly on my vein when taking the needle out. He was like very shaken when the needle came out. I think the blood also came flowing out. Then the sergeant quickly tell him put in the drip. Then in came the drip. Then my partner did all the taping.
Now, its time to take out the cannula.

Two Hundred Forty One Time

2008-01-19T23:59:00.000+08:00

Mon

Did spinal immobilization. Very tiring.

Tues
Revision on fracture immobilization.

Wed
IV cannulation day. As usual, nobody poked me. Did IV on keith, one try and pass. Did it without any blood spilling out. Best. Next week gonna start with 16G needle. Need to start to ask ppl to poke me. Hahaha..

Thurs
BCLS course. Theory test 30/30. Practical 100/100. That makes me a high flyer. If only my study results were as good last time... But the standard of the instructors are zzZZzz... No comments. I can do better than them. :X
After the instructors hand out the BCLS cert to us, he told us a shocking news. He says, "Upon completing this BCLS course, you will be charged if you fail to perform your duty properly." Everyone of us gave a sianz look. -__-

Nights out at 7.15pm. Went out of camp, saw a coffeeshop, bought porridge takeaway to bunk. Chill out in the bunk with the bunkmates.

Fri
Revision on BVM, microvent, suction apparatus. The sergeants taught us how to take BP, pulse, respiration and temperature. zzZZzz... Book out day.

Sat
Went back KSJ for training. New updated procedures and techniques. Review of FAC videos. Recreation for super short while. Lunch. 4Q meeting followed by kickoff meeting. Dinner at FJ.

While walking home, had some random thoughts again. Suddenly this word came to my mind. Loyalty. Strange but whenever i think of this word, this name followed suit. Guan Yu.

I quite like the story "Romance of The Three Kingdom". Since pri sch time watch tv already start to know about this story. The one thing that amaze me or make me interested in that story is the loyalty of Guan Yu. One particular part of the story is when he had to serve Cao Cao after being caught. He had a deal with Cao Cao to fight for him for a period of time. When Guan Yu got news of where his sworn brothers were, he eventually went back to join his sworn brothers army after completing some task for Cao Cao.

Come to think of it, he is some sort of an idol to me. Not the kind of idol like Jay or LJJ, not the kind of idol i will wake up every morning and pray to, but just like a role model to me. I believe this guy from history is an important factor that makes me what I am now.

One of our LTC talked to us early in the morning at 6.30am. He told us about how he struggle through army in his young days. He told us how he conquered 3 marathon in his life. Then he told us about how poor the richest man in Hong Kong were last time. He told us how the creator of Hyflux got the company to be so established. The point he was trying to bring across to us is this. Just a simple word , "Struggle". He told us nowdays parents provide their children with everything. Give the children education, give them air con, give them sufficient pocket money but one thing that parents nowdays dont give their children is a chance to struggle. How did these entrepeneurs get to be where they are today? They are born simple people. They struggled through education, struggle to earn a living for themselves.

Then he compared them to those who were born with silver spoon in their mouth. Those angmoh celebrities who frequently appears on the news, drink driving etc.. Their parents gave them everything, money that can last them for a few lifetime. But what their parents didnt gave them was a chance to struggle. Pampered is the word.

Wasted Genius

To be continued...

Two Hundred Forty Time

2008-01-11T22:57:00.001+08:00

Time pass like lightning. 5 days in a flash.

Monday
Our first IV cannulation lesson. Seen many cannulation during my nursing time. So everything looks familiar, the procedure, the needle, the blood and more blood. When it was time for the real thing, the training shed suddenly turns into a torture chamber. Screaming of pain could be constantly heard.

The victims lay on the floor, torniquet tied to the forearm, wait for the vein to pop out, feel for the vein, alcohol swab the vein, insert the needle 40 degree into the skin piercing through the vein, tilt the needle to 15 degree after there is backflow of blood, insert a few mm in, push in and lock the cannula, release torniquet, withdraw needle, connect IV fluid into the cannula, tape the cannula to the arm, bandage the arm.

Summary of how IV is being done. When it was my turn to be poke, my buddy tried to look for my vein but couldnt find. So the sergeant came over and tap around my wrist locating for the vein. Gladly, he found it. Then hell started to break loose. The needle pierce through my skin into my muscle to look for my vein; The pain was bearable. Then sergeant started to "navigate" the needle left and right looking for the right spot; The pain was unbearable. Then sergeant decided that the vein was a little bit deeper, so he tilt the needle more than 40 degree and push it down, blood started coming out; The pain was unbelivable. Its not like the normal bruise or laceration pain. Its a pain that 'chills your blood' and give you cold sweat. Visceral pain to be exact. Finally the cannula sets in, the numbness sets in too. There is no more pain, just numbness. Hell was over.... .. . .... ... for today.... .. .. . . . ... .. ... ..

Tues
Some boring lectures as usual. Practical of # immobilization of the upper limb.

Wed
Second IV cannulation. Lucky enough, I was ask to record the number of attempts everyone did. So i was the last few to do IV. So no one used my arm. The same sergeant was telling me he could do IV blindfolded, then he say he might borrow my hand someday.
-_- Stare blank. Poke one of my bunk mate. The needle went in with him shoutng in pain. Felt quite guilty but this is just part of training.

Thur
Lecture day. The ssgt gave us nights out from 6pm-10pm. We were very excited about it, until someone remind me that i have duty for the night. zzZZzz.. Barrack orderly for the night aka security guard for the building. So cant go out of camp. See everyone in civi walking towards the gate, kind of sad but regimental duty had to be adhered.
Quite a few came back drunk. *shake head* Discipline?

Fri
Book out day. Had lectures and practical for # immobilization of lower limb. Book out at 6pm, the earliest time ever.

Two Hundred Thirty Nine Time

2008-01-05T20:39:00.000+08:00

My OC from Mohawk always tells us, "In life, there is always more down than up."
True enough. There is always something that will kick you off your feet, make you land awkardly and hurt you badly.
Tears blurring your vision; sign of weakness

Two Hundred Thirty Eight Time

2007-12-29T23:38:00.000+08:00

这一年过得很痛苦.
这一年起了很多的变化。
毕业，做工，入伍。
认识新的人，失去旧的人。
人与人之间的感情，变淡了，变深了。
对你的思念，加深了。

Was reading through my resolution for 2007 written 1 year ago.
Now for some reflections.

SJ
A hectic year with great results. Won 2nd and 3rd for most NC award. Champion for NA Home Nursing. Best Commander Sok Ting, Best CPR Wei Ting. Proud of the results. AC team have a long way to go. Promoted to CSO(5). Went KL for the 26th SinMal competition in june. Went Ubin for hike and Pasir Ris mangrove during ATC.
5 officially left the committee. 4 SSGT coming back to help.
We are in for CAA Gold with a score of 93/100 as calculated.

Judo
Got my brown belt. Didnt win anything in IVP. Not so into training this year. Injured right knee. New committee chair by Jaya. Not been going back, so alot of things i also dunno. But evil ppl will still be evil ppl.

Study
Completed my three year course. Awarded the Diploma In Nursing. Finally a class photo taken. Grades are no longer important now. Study will have to stop for at least 2.5 years. End of student life?

Family
No change. Except that i no longer take pocket money. Its a bit late, but at least i started. Fillial piety is something I seriously lack.

Friends
Poly- The girls have started work. They have become full fledged Registered Nurse. Our gatherings all lesser. I start to miss the four of you. The stupid things we do in sch. The gossips. How you four bully me. :) And of course the other three male companion. The toilet breaks, the 'gaying sessions'.
Judo- I think our outings decrease quite alot. Everyone is on attachment, FYP. Everyone kinda busy this year. Even though our gang is not the ruling party but at least we have the strongest team compared to lion's gang.
Kopi gang- Our kopi sessions also lesser and lesser. Now all talk army things. But its ok, we are still the kopi gang. Forging Ahead!

Self
Pimples acne outbreak. Hate it man. Spoil the face... Hormonal changes cause my face to have both oily and dry skin. Damn ironic la. Now with all the increase dirt and dust in camp, starting to get more jia lat. Started to use glucosamine cream for the right knee. Got into PesC9L2. Tried to upgrade but need to have medical record for the past six months.

Her
Its no longer categorise as girls. It is only her.
From this year onwards, i have already decided that she will be the only one. Its not easy for a Sagittarius to say that he has given up his inborn playboy nature to settle down for someone. For the past year, I dare say that I have been very determined and focused on liking her. This may sound stupid, but I do believe in True Love.
I promise myself to get a gf earliest by Dec 08.

http://www.astrology.com/allaboutyou/sunsigns/sagittarius.html

Resolution for 08
SJ
Looking at the sch, zone, hq calendar, its gonna be even more stressed up compared to 07.
16 trainings plus many other special events. We are gonna have FAC, FDC, Soccer/Badminton comp, 10th year celebration, NDP public duty, SWAMI, flag day, walkaton, BGI, ZPN, maybe can get to participate in World Youth Day and hopefully National FAC. The officers have agreed that we will request to be the GOH for the sch NDP for 08. With CAA gold and 10 year celebration, i think it is viable. Must work doubly hard.

Judo
Not a regular anymore. Try to go back after my course ends in march.

Family
After enlistment, family becomes more important. The comfort of the home. The everlasting love from the parents. Be more fillial.

Friends
Not to drift away.

Army
The IN colour for year 2008, green brown black, and abit of red and white. Just learn as much as possible. Not to get pissed off so easily. Stay happy as an enlistee. SISPEC and OCS is a place I dream to be but not able to be. Seek Save Serve.

Self
Stay healthy. Mass down. I know my life will be horrible in 2008, but i will suck thumb and toes and fingers to carry on in life. The best have yet to come. The Next Big Thing will remain undefeatable, period.

Her
Stay faithful. Its hard, self torturing but at the end of the day, I believe it is still worth it. It is already like close to two years. My friends always ask me "You got ask her anot?", and i always say "No". 2008 will be the year, I will need alot of support from everyone. Those who stand in my way, I am not going to be nice.

I , S87*****E, Lim Kai Xuan Kenneth, hereby pledge my loyalty to Kranji St John Ambulance Brigade and my life to Singapore.

Something light now. CSO stands for Chao Siao On. -_-

Two Hundred Thirty Seven Time

2007-12-25T00:26:00.000+08:00

Many events took place this two weeks.
1) Dinner with my BMT good section mates.
2) Dinner with NYP Judo club.
3) Xmas celebration with the girls.
4) Bought PSP.
5) New unit posting.
6) Life

1) Eat at vienna. Not that bad. But expensive. Seems like we have nothing much to talk about. Might be our first and last outing. We cant hold on to everything in our life.

2) Eat at Dragon Gate Restaurant. Good. Expensive. The same old gang. Fun. Scandaling around. Sad things- Our sensei broke up with his gf of 5 years. Disgusting things- A lady wearing an undersize pink outfit, skirt length of one palm below waist level, wearing polka dot undies spotted at vivo city.

3) Late for 8 hours on saturday. Suppose to meet them at 3pm at tanah merah. Was still in cck till nearing 10pm. Only reached at 1125pm. A hurried dinner. Left for home at 1145pm. I know the girls were not very happy. Explain later part.

4) Bought a PSP for over $400. Yeah! Over use my allowance. Can feel my excitement? zzZzzZzz..

5) I am back to saving lives once again. Service medic. Stay in for course. Most probably 8-5 after passing out from there.

6) Someone tell me, "Get a life dude!". So i started thinking. Thinking and thinking. What's my life? After one day of thinking, i know what is my life at this phase. My life starts on a saturday morning and ends on a saturday night. That's my life. That will be my life for at least one more year. Till maybe 2008 december. After that, miracle might happen.

Thoughts
Some ppl find life by dancing and drinking their head off in clubs.
Some ppl find life by buying all sorts of designer branded stuff to satisfy themself.
Some ppl find life by tormenting their physical self in red light district.
Some ppl find life by sitting in coffeeshop talking to friends of their age.
Some ppl find life by seeking their spiritual self to attain a peace of mind.
Some ppl find life by risking themselves to high risk entertainment.
Some ppl find life by sinking into the virtual world to drown themselves.
Some ppl find life by destroying other ppl's life.
Some ppl find life by seeking truth in everything.
Different ppl find life in their own unique ways.
I find life in helping others add accomplisments to their life.

脑海漂浮着你的脸孔, 太多太多的思念
日日夜夜的叹气无奈，不能表达的痛苦

累

Two Hundred Thirty Six Time

2007-12-12T15:07:00.000+08:00

PTE Kenneth Lim speaking

11 dec 07, passed out from tekong. There was no parade for my coy. We only had a simple ceremony. Sit in the lecture room. Listen to debrief. End of my life there. Of course i will miss the life there. Good welfare. Good commanders. Good food.

On this big day, there was a quarrel within my section. Who started it? It was I, Lim Bei who started it. The gist of it. I kick the bucket into the cupboard. Kenny the weakling who is Excuse PT shouted something. Then Christopher the ass thalessemia carrier join in the shouting. Next Izrul the Eczema shit started to knock down the water bottle on the table. So I taunt them. Those weaklings just keep ranting and ranting.

Cause of this quarrel
1. If the fall in time given is 0545, everyone will fall in at 0540 to count strength and water parade. Those weaklings wakes up at 0540 and falls in after 0545. Even after many nice talks to tell them to wake up earlier and fall in earlier, they still fall in late all the time.

2. Kenny the section IC never done his job as an IC. He should be the one delegating tasks like collecting bed sheet, doing area cleaning etc etc... He never does it. All he cares about is his smoking breaks. He and the other bugger Christopher always take their own sweet time to smoke while we are doing area cleaning. And when they come back, they will take out their PSP and play while most of us are cleaning the bunk. Christopher reply to why he doesnt do area cleaning, "Yesterday I sweep the floor already, so today dont need to clean." Then when the sergeant starts scolding the whole platoon for not cleaning the bunks and corridor well, and calls for the next stand by area. Christopher suddenly acts like he is very hardworking and takes the broom and starts sweeping and commanding us to do area cleaning. This cycle keep repeating itself for almost everyday.

In the section, I am not the only one who quarreled with them. The other better section mates also quarreled with them before, but in smaller scale. Like what Ong told me, "You cannot motivate a person who does not even have self motivation." The army is a place where you see all sort of ppl. Chao geng kia, chao siao on, hokkien peng etc etc... How true.

Anyway, I got my platoon best trainee. I think i should thank the few slackers in my section. Because without them, there will be nothing for me to step on to bring me to greater height. Anyway, i think the selection for best trainee is based on participation of activity, how well we did in the activity, attitude and commander's appraisal.